Holding On
by holicannoli
Summary: After Frost's funeral, Maura finds Jane sobbing on the floor. Maura comforts her, but when Jane desperately seeks out Maura's mouth, the two find themselves having to deal not only with their friend's death, but also with their feelings for each other. Meanwhile a teenager turns up dead in an apparent hit-and-run. Can Maura and Jane solve the case without pushing each other away?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note**: This fanfic starts at the end of episode 5.02. For those of you who feel that using Det. Frost's death to bring about Rizzles is in bad taste, let me just say that I understand where you are coming from. I ultimately felt that however intertwined the deaths of the actor and the character are in this case—especially with Jane's eulogy and the on-set photos they showed during it—they are still separate, and it should be possible to tell a story about the repercussions of the fictional character's death without being disrespectful to the memory of the actor. That is just what I settled on. If you disagree, again, I understand, and you might be better off not reading this story.

I'd be very happy to read what you think of the story. So please leave your comments!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the characters of the TV show _Rizzoli and Isles_. They belong Tess Gerritsen and TNT (or maybe just TNT? Who know how these things work).

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**CHAPTER 1**

Now that the tears had finally come, Jane didn't know how they were ever going to stop again. Although she hadn't had any doubt that Frost was really gone—she had seen his dead body covered by the gray blanket lying next to his wrecked car—it had nevertheless seemed unreal to her. It had been too sudden, too unexpected, too brutal. Even when she delivered the eulogy at his funeral, while she meant every word she said, she found herself thinking, _Is this really happening? Am I really talking about Barry at his own funeral?_ Somehow the awful truth of his death had been elusive, difficult to thoroughly grasp. She had known he was gone, but somehow the full knowledge of the tragedy hadn't taken possession of her body yet. It was as if it had existed outside of her, and some protective veil kept it at bay. But now the veil was gone and her body took full possession of the loss of her partner and friend. She felt herself drown in the most overwhelming sadness, despair, and anger.

Ultimately, it had been a simple postcard that had lifted the veil. The message had been so short and simple, so like Frost. "Couldn't be better here, but I miss you anyway. Barry." How could someone write you that and then be dead a few days later? How could someone write his friend such a simple yet wonderful _I miss you and I'm thinking of you_ card, then get in a car, crash, and die? How did the universe allow such a thing to happen? The incongruity of the sweet postcard and Frost's horrific death finally made the nightmare real to her. She pictured him writing the card, showing her in such a small yet significant way that he cared about her, that she was important to him. And then the vision of his lifeless body came back to her, the eerie calm that had surrounded the scene on the highway despite all the sirens and the people coming and going. This had really happened. And it had happened to this man she loved dearly. He had often put on a tough façade during their investigations and during the questioning of suspects, but he was ultimately such a gentle soul. And now he was gone. Gone for good. And she could do nothing to fix it, to bring him back. And it all made no sense, and it was all so unfair.

So Jane cried and cried and cried. Feeling unable to remain standing, she had let herself slide down to the floor, her back pressed against the side of the kitchen counter. At first she had hoped that the tears might do her some good as her mother and Maura and Korsak had all maintained. Perhaps a good cry was really what was needed. Perhaps it would prove cathartic. Perhaps this was a necessary stage of the grieving process that Maura had talked about and would allow her to come to terms with Barry's death.

But as the tears kept falling and as she continued to sob, the pain of the realization that Barry really was gone only seemed to get worse. She felt her heart starting to race and contract, causing her to wince at the pain in her chest. She found it increasingly difficult to breathe. After a while her whole body started to shake, and Jane wondered whether she might actually be having a panic attack. The world seemed to retract from around her, leaving her with nothing but dark emptiness and her own agony and panic. Was it possible to pass out from crying like this? Was that something that actually happened to people? Wrapping her arms more tightly around her legs, she dug her fingernails into her calves, hoping to regain some of her bearings. But although she felt the pressure exerted by her fingernails, she felt completely disconnected from the pain. She wondered briefly whether screaming might help, but then realized that her shallow breathing and violent sobbing would make any kind of scream impossible.

And so she sat there, unable to find a way to gain control over her own body, and, amidst the sobs, thought of Barry. Sweet, gentle Barry. How could something like this have happened to someone so kind-hearted and good? There was no rhyme or reason. She thought of how caring and supportive he'd been of her after she shot herself, how wonderful he had been when his mother came to tell him that she and her partner Robin were a couple, how he and Frankie had been like brothers. And the tears continued to fall down onto her knees.

But then, just as she's about to curl up even further and hug her shins even more tightly, the world that had receded comes rushing back to her. As if awoken from a dream, the sounds and smell of the outside world reenter her consciousness. She realizes someone is knocking on the door and hears a muffled "Jane." She wonders how long the knocking has been going on and whether it is possible to hear her sobbing on the other side of the door. The sudden intrusion manages to momentarily halt the violent sobs as Jane tries to figure out what to do. She realizes she must shout and send the person away, but then she hears a key turn in the lock. She glances up while a frantic "Please..." leaves her lips. It would have been followed by a "leave me alone!" but it is already too late. Maura Isles has stepped into her apartment and has closed the door behind her. At the sight of her friend on the floor, Maura gasps. "Oh my God, Jane," she cries out, dropping her purse and a paper bag she's holding, and rushing over to the detective. Realizing Maura is walking over to her, Jane looks down at the floor, suddenly feeling painfully exposed and embarrassed. She utters a quiet, "Maura, please," entreating her friend to leave her be, to let her be on her own, to not see her like this. But Maura kicks off her high heels, kneels down at Jane's side, and takes her friend into her arms, rather awkwardly embracing the crouched Jane who's still holding on to her legs.

If the shock of seeing Maura and feeling her friend's arms around her had momentarily halted her sobs, the physical contact now brings on a new onslaught of tears. Jane turns to her right where Maura has pressed her body against Jane's side. She lets go of her legs and turns her body fully so she can wrap Maura into her arms. Once she's fully embraced the medical examiner, she holds on to her so tightly that Maura can feel the air being squeezed out of her lungs. And then, in her friend's arms, Jane allows herself to fall apart. She sobs and shakes, tears streaming down her face. With their chests pressed so tightly together, Maura can feel Jane's heart pounding against hers. Maura gently strokes the back of Jane's head with one hand, firmly holding on to her with her other arm, whispering soothing "Ssshhhhhhh"s to the rhythm of her strokes.

After spending several minutes like this, Jane finally starts to calm down. As her sobs subside, she realizes how utterly exhausted she is. Maura notices that Jane's breathing has become more regular and that she has stopped crying and is about to pull back. But as Jane feels Maura loosen her grasp, ready to let go of her, a slight panic besets her again. Jane is so spent that all she can think of is that she'll collapse if Maura lets go, so she holds on with all the strength left in her body. Feeling Jane tighten the embrace again, Maura pulls her closer, whispering reassuringly, "Hey. I've got you. I've got you." Maura feels Jane's chest expand as her friend breathes in deeply, trying to regain her composure. After several deep breaths, Jane quietly whimpers, "Maura, Barry, he…." Then she stops. She wants to express some of what she's feeling, explain some of how she ended up like this, on the floor, a complete mess. She wants to explain how Frost's death suddenly hit her like a brick wall, how it seemed to her that her heart literally broke. But she can't find the right words. When Maura realizes nothing more is coming, she pulls back, looks Jane in the eye, wipes away a tear from her friend's cheek and says, "I know, Jane. I know."

And in that moment, Jane realizes that Maura does know and that she does not judge her, that she is safe with her. In those brown eyes she sees nothing but love and warmth and acceptance and concern. And before she fully realizes what she's doing, she has planted a kiss on Maura's lips, reveling in the softness and comfort she finds there. But then, not a second later, with a shock she becomes aware of what she's doing and pulls back. With a hint of terror in her eyes, she start, pleadingly, "Maura, I'm so sorry, I…." But before she can continue, Maura has placed a hand on the back of Jane's head and has pulled her closer, placing her lips gently on Jane's. When Jane realizes what Maura is doing, her heart skips a beat. She can barely believe it. To have this kiss reciprocated, to know that in this moment Maura is willing to give her what she so desperately needs, perhaps even needing this communion as much as Jane does, is almost too much to take in. Jane is amazed at how soft Maura's lips are, how perfect they feel between her own. She continues to kiss her friend gently yet intently for a long time, letting her lips linger between Maura's for as long as she can before pulling away slowly only to allow them to reattach again in a slightly different, but equally wonderful, configuration. After the earlier panic and the sense of loss that had overwhelmed her so, Jane soaks up the comfort and love the kisses bring. To feel loved and cared for, to have Maura here with her after she felt so lost and alone, it fills her with gratitude.

After a long while, when their lips have started to tingle from all the kisses they have shared, Maura pulls back. She looks into Jane's dark eyes, giving her a quick smile full of love and reassurance. She plants a quick last peck on Jane's lips and says with a husky voice, "We should eat. I brought take-out." Maura moves out of the embrace, gets up, and puts on her heels again. She walks over to the place between the front door and the kitchen counter where she had dropped her purse and their food, and picks up the take-out. She brings the bag over to the kitchen, and starts busying herself with dividing the couscous with roasted vegetables over two plates and opening a bottle of Californian Sauvignon Blanc. Jane remains seated, needing a minute to gather her wits about her. Then she also gets up, taking a moment to allow the pins and needles in her legs to dissipate, and joins Maura at the counter.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you so much to those of you who've read, followed, favored, and/or reviewed the first chapter for your encouragement. It's greatly appreciated. Here's the second chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

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**CHAPTER 2**

The two women sit across from each other, eating in silence. The long and emotionally exhausting day has left them both feeling drained. The funeral had been difficult. It had been comforting to share their grief with the people who had loved Barry most, and it had felt important to pay tribute to their friend in this way, but it had also been harder than they had expected.

Jane had also not slept well the night before. She had been nervous about the eulogy and had stayed up late trying to put some thoughts down on paper. She had felt it was a big responsibility to speak of Barry in a way that the people gathered in the church would feel was honest and truthful to the man Barry was, but that would also give them something to hold on to, something to give them strength. When she had sat down again after delivering the eulogy, the relief that washed over her showed her how tense she had been. Yet somehow, as Mrs. Frost, Maura, and her mother had grabbed hold of her hands, she had also all of a sudden felt old in a way she never had before.

And then, of course, there had been that postcard, and the breakdown, and then Maura's sudden arrival. Where had she even come from? Had Jane not just laid down her phone after telling Maura that she was going to be okay, that she was going right to bed, that, yes, she knew Maura would come over to stay with her if she needed her to? She must've been on the floor a lot longer than she had thought. But then again, it really had felt like she spent an eternity on the floor, feeling the waves of sadness and panic wash over her as she tried unsuccessfully to come up for air. Perhaps she had sat there for a long time after all. And then Maura had come, and she had taken her into her arms and had allowed her to breathe again.

But the fatigue isn't the only reason the familiar chatter remains absent. Now that the gentle kisses and the warm embraces are no longer doing the talking for them, the two women aren't entirely sure how to behave around each other. Does the new kind of intimacy they just shared require a different mode of interaction or should they just continue to speak and act as they have always done? Would it be rude to pretend like nothing had happened? Or would it be awkward to act as if something had in fact changed between them? So, both women opt to eat in silence, giving themselves over to their exhaustion and waiting for the food to replenish their energy and for the wine to bring some succor.

As they eat in silence, Maura occasionally looks up from her plate, grabbing the bottle of wine and waiting for the nod of Jane's head to grant her permission to refill Jane's glass. When the first bottle of wine has been emptied and when they start to feel the effects of the warm food on their empty stomachs, Maura finally ventures to say that she thought Jane did a good job on the eulogy. The compliment breaks the ice, and the women spend the rest of the meal discussing the past few days and the funeral itself. Both Maura and Jane are glad to realize that the awkwardness that they were both dreading stays away and that there is still the easy rapport between them that they had been able to build over the years.

After a while, Maura starts talking about some of the more bizarre and outlandish funeral practices out there. The detective is grateful for the distraction and takes comfort in the familiarity of Maura geeking off. The doctor starts by arguing that all funeral rites are fundamentally about the need to dispose of dead bodies sooner rather than later. After death, she states as if delivering a lecture, a body quickly becomes subject to decay and infestation, especially when no means are available to properly cool it. To avoid health hazards, not to mention bad smells, the corpse will need to be discarded. Yet for the people left behind, the body is not merely a body. To them it still represents the living soul, the person they loved. Having to dispose of the body so soon after death is even harder, because the mourners haven't had a chance yet to fully accept the passing of their loved one, acceptance being only the final stage in the Kübler-Ross model. So bodies are disposed of in a ritualized fashion to allow mourners, who are likely still in the first stage of denial, to feel they are still treating their loved one with respect.

Maura then shares her knowledge of the South Korean custom of compressing corpses into beads for people to keep in their homes, the Balinese tradition of burning the dead body inside a wooden bull while a wooden dragon looks on, and the Tibetan practice of chopping up the body and leaving it on a mountain top for vultures to pick to pieces. Jane, who throughout Maura's ramblings had mostly remained quiet, now scrunches up her face and says, "Vultures, really Maura? We're eating dinner here and you're talking about vultures devouring corpses?" Maura studies Jane's face intently, trying to determine whether her friend's just teasing her or whether she is actually castigating her for some serious faux pas. Then she remembers the funeral and Barry's passing, and it suddenly dawns on her that she may just have shared the most insensitive factoid imaginable on a day like today. Nervously, she looks into Jane's eyes and says, "Oh God, Jane, I'm sorry." But Jane, who was in fact just going for some lighthearted banter, gives Maura a reassuring smile now that she realizes her teasing fell completely flat, and says, "Maura, really, don't worry about it." When Maura continues to look at her uncertainly, she quickly adds, "Seriously, that was very interesting. Vultures, huh. Who knew?" Maura rather doubts that Jane found her mini-lecture all that interesting but is grateful for the reassurance that her little Anthropology lesson hadn't caused offense.

Eager to change the subject, Maura offers Jane some more of the roasted vegetables which, to her delight and surprise, Jane accepts. Jane hadn't felt at all hungry when Maura first mentioned that she had brought take-out. Couscous was also hardly her go-to starch, but now that they are almost done eating, Jane has to admit that the food had tasted great. And the vegetables were so flavorful, she hadn't minded them at all. Having always tried to get Jane to eat more vegetables and fewer burgers and fries, Maura can't help but smile watching her friend devour the last of the carrots, zucchini, red peppers, and onions on her plate. When Jane has picked the very last piece of onion off her plate, she looks at Maura and says with a satisfied sigh, "That was good."

Maura smiles and says, "You finished all your vegetables." Jane smiles at the self-satisfaction on the medical examiner's face and replies, "But don't think I'm making a habit out of this. Tomorrow I'm back to my burger and fries. I don't want them to think I've abandoned them." Maura laughs and says, "Yes, you are a very loyal person." Jane smirks and says, "Yes, but only to my dearest friends." As soon as Jane's made that last remark, it hits her, Oh my God, one of my closest friends is dead. Frost is gone. She wonders for how long this will continue to happen, that for just a moment she will have forgotten that her friend is dead, and then all of a sudden it will hit her, and it will hit her hard.

Her mind back on Barry, Jane looks at Maura and says, "Well, if there's a heaven, I'm sure Frost will have a front row seat. And I'm sure God will want to keep him close by so that Frost can solve all of the Lord's IT problems." Maura smiles. "But," she says, "he'd have to see a lot of dead people." At that, Jane bursts into laughter. She thinks of all the times Frost would catch a glimpse of a dead body and run for the nearest bush or bathroom. How he would throw up in the sink in the morgue when walking in on one of Maura's autopsies. "Remember the time he fainted when you cut off that one victim's finger…," she starts, but as her mind goes back to Frost's unconscious body on the floor of the morgue, it immediately also brings back the memories of Frost's lifeless body at the scene of the car crash. She falls silent, unable to finish her sentence. When she looks up, Maura's pained face tells her that the ME is making the same connection. Poor Maura, Jane thinks, to be there on the scene before everyone else arrived, knowing how devastated we all would be at the news she would have to deliver.

Eager to leave these dark memories for another time, Jane opts for some friendly banter and asks, "So, what does science have to say about the afterlife? Any cool studies about the size of heaven?" But the joke is lost on Maura, who begins in her schoolmarmy voice, "Well, Jane, science doesn't…."

Jane chuckles and says, "Maura, I know. I was just kidding."

As soon as she's said this and sees the hurt and embarrassed look on Maura's face, Jane wishes she could take it back. This really wasn't the time for such stupid jokes. Non-literal uses of language had never been Maura's strong suit, and Jane knows that her literal-mindedness has given rise to whispers of autism and Asperger's at the police station. But although Maura has a hard time detecting irony and sarcasm, that doesn't mean she's not aware that many jokes are lost on her, and, even worse, that she's frequently the butt of jokes she doesn't even understand. Jane knows it can make Maura feel socially inept, and Jane hates to see Maura feel like that. Jane quickly reaches across the table and grabs hold of Maura's hand. As she looks Maura in the eye, she gives her hand a squeeze and says, trying to look as sincere as possible, "I'm sorry. That really wasn't funny. I can be a dick sometimes." At this use of profanity, Maura frowns slightly, but then her face quickly relaxes, showing Jane that her apology has been accepted. Jane gives Maura's hand another squeeze and says, "Thank you so much for bringing over dinner. Why don't you make yourself comfortable while I go and check up on ma and make us some coffee?" Maura smiles and nods.

Jane gets up, let's go of Maura's hand and grabs her phone. As she dials her mother's number, Maura heads over to Jane's couch and with a quiet sigh lets herself sink down on the soft fabric. Over the sound of the coffee machine heating up water she hears Jane say, "Yeah it was…. I'm glad…. No, there's no need to come over…. Really, ma, I'm just having some coffee and then I'll go straight to bed…. Yes, ma, I'll drink decaf to make sure I can sleep." Maura turns around, giving her friend a quick smile. Jane rolls her eyes at her mother and then shakes her head before turning her attention back to what her mother is saying. "Ma, really, thank you for being so sweet, but I'm okay. I'll talk to you in the morning, okay? You get some sleep now too…. Good night…. Yes, I love you too." When Jane hangs up, Maura wonders briefly why Jane didn't mention she was there. Wouldn't her mother be happy to know her daughter's best friend was there to look after her? Was it because of the kisses? As her mind goes back to those languid, amazing kisses they shared, she feels her head grow heavy. She lets it hang back against the couch and breathes in the familiar and soothing smell of freshly brewed coffee.

Jane puts the plates and wine glasses in the sink, clears away the take-out containers, and pours their coffee into two mugs. When she takes the coffees over to the couch, she finds Maura there fast asleep. Maura's head is resting against the back of the couch in what Jane knows must be an uncomfortable position. Jane quietly puts down the mugs on the table next to the couch. Then she bends down over her friend's sleeping body, places her left hand gently behind Maura's head to give it some support, and then slowly moves her friend from her seated position into a more comfortable horizontal one. Jane is careful not to wake Maura and very slowly pulls back her hands from underneath Maura's sleeping body when she has finished moving her. When she's done, she quickly walks to her bedroom and grabs Maura a blanket from her closet. When she gets back to the couch, she kneels down, takes off Maura's high heels, and gently covers her with the blanket. Pleased with her work, Jane slowly gets up and takes a few steps back, looking Maura over to make sure she didn't forget anything.

As she stands there, taking in the image of her best friend asleep on her couch, her heart suddenly seems to physically expand. Looking down on the sleeping figure, Jane can actually feel her heart swell in her chest with the deep love and affection she feels for the medical examiner in that moment. Of course she has loved her friend for a long time, but Jane knows this feeling is different. It is not a reassuring, comfortable love; her heart actually aches. And it is not an ache that is the result of pain or regret. It is the ache that results from an emotion so great and powerful that her heart struggles to contain it. It is as if Barry's death and her breakdown have momentarily stripped her bare. It is as if all the everyday concerns, the preoccupations, the worries, the irritations that normally provide a protective wall around her heart have, for a moment, forgotten to do their job. And Jane all of a sudden feels deeply how amazing it is that she is alive right now on this huge planet in this vast universe. The universe actually exists and Earth exists and she exists. And she is alive and Maura is alive and for some inscrutable, exceedingly wondrous reason, they are alive together. In this time and place, they are alive together.

Jane breathes in deeply, puts her left hand over her heart, soaks up the image of her sleeping friend one more time, and then turns off the lights and walks over to her bedroom. She sits down on her bed for a moment staring ahead. Then she slowly gets up again, takes off the black dress she had worn to the funeral and which she had actually rather liked, and puts on a tank top. She quickly washes her face, brushes her teeth, and then finally allows herself to collapse onto her bed. Lying there in the dark, her mind brings her back to the kisses she and Maura had shared—so warm, so soft, so soothing— and soon Jane also drifts off.

A few hours later, the detective is awoken by the sound of her door creaking. She instinctively reaches for the gun in her nightstand drawer, but as her arm moves across the nightstand, she knocks over her alarm clock. The loud thud makes her jolt upright, and as she tries to make out the contours of the furniture in her bedroom, she hears a voice whisper, "Jane, it's me." Jane squints, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness around her, and finally sees a figure standing in the doorway. Suddenly, the memories of the previous day flood back to her: the funeral, the breakdown, the kisses, her friend sleeping on the couch. With an unsteady voice that's even huskier than usual, Jane mutters, "What is it, Maur?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Thank you all again for commenting on this story and following it. Means a lot!

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**CHAPTER 3**

Maura remains standing in the doorway as she whispers, "Jane, I think I may have fallen asleep on your couch." Jane smiles and answers, "Yes, I think you may have." When Jane falls silent again, the medical examiner inquires in a hushed voice, "What time is it?" From the absolute quiet outside Jane's apartment—there are no voices, no dogs barking, and only a single car can be heard far off in the distance—Maura gathers that evening must have turned into night. From the fact that she feels somewhat disoriented and still very tired, she has a harder time drawing any conclusions. Ever since Barry died and work still kept her busy, she has found herself waking up in the morning thinking that it couldn't possibly be time to get up and face another day. Feeling worn out has almost become a new normal.

Jane picks up the alarm clock from the floor and scrutinizes it to determine whether it still works. Reassured that it does, she replies, "It's two-thirty." When Maura remains silent, she adds, "What do you want to do?"

Maura looks down at the gray skirt and silk turquoise blouse she had changed into after the funeral and thinks of the different courses of action available to her. She could gather her things, jump into her car, and simply head home. She'd be able to feed Bass, sleep for another couple of hours, change into some clean clothes, and head down to the station. A thoroughly sensible course of action. But then again, she could also stay. Stay here with Jane. And before she's really had a chance to weigh the pros and cons of each option, she hears herself say, "Would you mind if I stayed here with you?" As soon as she's spoken these words, however, nerves beset her. Somehow, uttering these words have put something on the line. She is glad there's no light that could make her discomfort apparent to Jane.

Jane, for her part, immediately feels her heart beat more rapidly when she hears Maura utter her request. Any lingering grogginess quickly vanishes. She's reminded of the moment the previous evening when watching Maura sleep had actually caused her chest to ache. All of a sudden she'd felt alive in a way she never had before, and she'd been filled with such an overwhelming love for the medical examiner.

Jane turns on the bedside lamp and slides her legs over the side of her bed. "Of course you can stay," she says. As she gets up, Maura finally dares let out the breath that she had nervously held while waiting for Jane's response. As Jane gets up, she says, "Let me just grab you something to change into."

Jane walks over to her chest of drawers and pulls open the drawer that contains most of her t-shirts and tank tops. As she looks down at her shirts, she remembers Maura's partiality for silk nightwear, be it pajamas or nightgowns. And God, how good she looks in them. "Maura," she starts, "what's the opposite of glamping?" When Maura doesn't immediately respond, Jane turns around, just in time to catch the ME with her eyes transfixed on Jane's body. Jane realizes she's only wearing a purple tank top and a pair of black panties. Maura's face immediately reacquires a more neutral countenance, but the deep blush betrays that she knows she's been caught. "Uh, what?" she stutters. Jane smiles, both surprised and infinitely pleased that her body is capable of producing such a look in Maura's eyes. "Glamping, the opposite of glamping," Jane repeats. As the red hue slowly disappears from Maura's cheeks, she asks confusedly, "What? What are you talking about?" Jane smiles again from the satisfaction of seeing Maura agitated, of having been the cause of this loss of Maura's carefully guarded self-possession. She says, "Glamping, you know, glamorous camping. What is the opposite of that?"

"Oh, the opposite of glamorous camping... Uh, plebeian camping?" Maura ventures.

Jane laughs; _plebeian_, such a Maura word."'Plamping.' I guess that works," she says. "So, I'm afraid you'll have to 'plamp' here tonight." When Maura looks even more confused, Jane adds by means of explication, "I don't own a single piece of clothing worthy of your high-end sleeping habits." She pulls out and holds up an old gray t-shirt that Tommy once gave her that says, "Keep Calm, I Carry a Gun." Maura chuckles. "I see what you mean." Then she quickly adds, "Jane, I can sleep in an old t-shirt for a night. I'm sure I'll survive." "And if not," Jane says as she pulls a soft cotton t-shirt out of her drawer, "our number one suspect in the mysterious death of Dr. Maura Isles will be this yellow shirt."

Jane hands over the t-shirt which Maura accepts with a smile. She adds, "If you want to brush your teeth or anything, there should be a pack of toothbrushes in the drawer underneath the sink in the bathroom." Maura accepts the offer with a "Thank you. Yes, I think I will," and heads into the bathroom. She quickly changes out of her clothes and into Jane's yellow shirt whose fabric is surprisingly soft to the touch. She brushes her teeth while gazing absentminded at her own reflection in the mirror. Feeling suddenly exhausted again, she quickly heads back into Jane's bedroom. Jane has turned off the light again, so Maura shuffles over to the side of the bed closest to the window.

She's about to bend down to pick up the covers so she can crawl under them, when she stops moving. _Oh my God, perhaps she simply meant I could stay here in the apartment, on her couch. What if I misunderstood? _As she wonders whether it's too late to quietly retrace her steps back out of Jane's bedroom, she hears a hoarse voice whisper, "Get in, before you get cold." With a hint of a smile on her face she does as ordered. For a few minutes she just lies there on her back, staring at the ceiling. How nice it is to be here with Jane, she thinks. To just lie here and feel her presence, to be aware of the warmth radiating from her body. Maura notices how her whole body wants to move closer to Jane, to touch her, to curl up to her. But she tells herself she really shouldn't. The kiss was one thing, borne out of a moment of absolute crisis and despair. When she had kissed Jane back, it had been an attempt to soothe her, to bring her comfort. To curl up to her now, long after the violent emotions had subsided, would be to cross a line into new territory that would most likely be littered with landmines. And perhaps Jane had no interest in joining her there. So while feeling so close to Jane in that moment, Maura also can't help but think that the inches separating them might as well be miles.

After a while, Maura closes her eyes and soon both women are asleep. A few hours later, with the sound of the first birds chirping in anticipation of the coming dawn, the world outside of Jane's apartment is preparing to awake from its peaceful slumber. The two women, however, remain fast asleep, giving their bodies the rest and their minds the oblivion they longed for and desperately need. All of a sudden, however, a slight increase in the rate of Jane's breathing can be detected. Her breaths become more shallow and rushed and the muscles in her face, a moment before given over to complete relaxation, now produce a slightly pained expression. The detective's mind is conjuring up moving images of Det. Frost, looking sharp in a blue suite, running away from her. In this dreamscape, Jane can't figure out why he's running or why she's running after him. But the panic she feels tells her that it is paramount that she catches up with him. So she keeps running and running, but he's too fast and doesn't seem to realize Jane's running after him. Jane's getting out of breath, but giving up is not an option. She must get to Frost. She needs him for something. Is it a case? Does she need his help? She can't tell what it is, but somehow she knows their lives depend on it. All of a sudden, Jane realizes they've arrived at a harbor. She looks around at the ships and the containers and the piers and, for a second, loses sight of Frost. When she looks in his direction again, she sees him running down one of the piers. She immediately goes after him again, slipping once on the wooden planks wet with morning dew. Regaining her balance, she glances up, just in time to see Frost jump off the pier. Jane can't believe what she's seeing and runs to the end of the pier as fast as she can. Looking down into the water, she expects to see Frost there, but there is nothing. Not even a ripple disturbing the flat surface of the water. How can this be? Where is Frost? Jane starts to panic even more, and shouts out his name, "Frost! Frost!" When Jane looks down again and realizes he still hasn't come up for air, that there's no sign that he even jumped into the water, she thinks she may be losing her mind. "Noooo! Frost!" All of a sudden she feels a hand on her arm and a voice summoning her from far away. One more time she looks down into the water, but Frost is nowhere to be seen. Then the pier, still dark in the hour before dawn, and the water, even darker still, slowly disappear and Jane realizes she's lying in her bed, her heart pounding in her ears, her forehead wet with perspiration.

She opens her eyes and understands that the voice she heard must've been Maura's. Her friend's bent over her, still gripping her arm and calling out her name. "Jane, Jane, wake up." When Maura realizes that her attempts to wake Jane from her nightmare have been successful, she stops. But seeing the panic in her friend's eyes, she continues to support herself on one elbow using the free hand, which moments before had clasped Jane's arm, to stroke the detective's hair. Realizing how quickly Jane's still breathing, Maura tries to further calm her by softly whispering, "Shhhh, it's okay."

Having slowed down her breathing somewhat, Jane looks into Maura's eyes and with an apologetic smile says, "I'm sorry to wake you, Maura. I just dreamt that Frost…." But before she can finish her sentence, the awful truth takes her breath away again. This nightmare already happened. This nightmare isn't even a nightmare compared to what really happened. Frost has already gone under. There's no chance he'll ever resurface. He's gone. Swallowed up by the dark unknown. "Oh no," she whimpers. All of a sudden she feels nauseous. She closes her eyes to make the nausea go away, but it only seems to make it worse. When she opens her eyes again, Maura is looking intently at her. Jane's big black eyes seem to say to her at once, "Please tell me this isn't happening," and "Oh God, this is happening." When a round tear appears in the corner of Jane's eye, Maura can't take it anymore. She moves her face closer to Jane's and kisses her.

Maura allows her lips to linger for a few seconds, losing herself in the moment, but then slowly pulls back. But as soon as Jane feels Maura pull back, she stretches her neck and reattaches her lips to Maura's. With two hands she grabs hold of Maura's head, kissing her with a force and intensity that takes Maura by surprise. It even throws her off balance. She pulls back, uncertain all of a sudden whether they are doing right by this. She looks Jane in the eye and says, "Jane, are you sure this is the way?" When Jane lays her head down on her pillow again, Maura can tell her question hurt her friend. For a second Jane looks at the ceiling, but then she refocuses on Maura's face. With eyes full of desperate longing, she whispers hoarsely, "Maura, please." And when Maura hears the unbridled desire in Jane's voice, the need for her those two words express, any doubt she may have had gets pushed aside by her own yearning. She reaches down again and kisses Jane so hard, it sends a shiver down Jane's spine.

Still desperate, still needing more, Jane opens her mouth and forcefully licks Maura's upper lip. Maura feels a sudden throbbing between her legs as that central part of her body also responds to the unexpected pressure of Jane's tongue against her lips. Maura immediately opens her mouth up to Jane and the two kiss each other with such a rough intensity and abandon that it is like they found a well in the desert after having been without water for days. They cling to each other like their lives depend on it, like they would lose each other if they ever let go. And their tongues are fighting, they are crashing into one another, they are wrestling violently. This is not a gentle exploration. This is not the sweet affirmation of their affection for each other. This is contact sought with utter desperation. This is two people dangling off a precipice, clinging on to each other in order to cling on to life. And so Jane kisses Maura with everything she has. And they kiss and they kiss and after a while it seems like they're only adding fuel to the flames. Needing even more contact, Jane moves her hands to Maura's back, sliding her hands under the yellow t-shirt. She spreads her fingers wide in order to make as much contact with Maura's lower back as possible. And as her hands move up Maura's back, Maura feels the arm with which she is still more or less supporting herself wobble, and licking Jane's tongue hard one last time, her elbow slips from underneath her and her upper body collapses onto Jane. Jane takes her hands from underneath Maura's shirt and wraps her arms around Maura and just like that, the women lie there, in each other's arms, panting and shivering. And when they've both calmed down a bit, Maura moves her upper body off of Jane and, placing her head on her pillow, turns onto her side to face the detective. After a few seconds, Jane also turns onto her side and for a moment the two of them just lie there, looking at each other. Then Maura lifts her head and moves her own pillow slightly closer to Jane's face, laying her head back down on the pillow's far edge. Understanding immediately what Maura is suggesting, Jane scoots over and moves her head onto the other half of Maura's pillow. And for the next hour or so, the women lose themselves in kisses that have become wonderfully soft and tender again. Their tongues that were so violent before now only seem interested in gentle brushes, in taking time to feel, to taste, to cherish.

Their slow kisses continue as the world slowly comes to life. And when the first neighbor can be heard leaving the apartment building, when the first cars are driving past the open window, and when two dogs can be heard barking at each other in the distance, the Medical Examiner and the detective finally drift off.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Here is Chapter 4. It's a new day and a new case. We're leaving the confines of Jane's apartment and venturing out into the world. Let me know what you think!

I also forgot to mention before that Jane is not pregnant in this fanfiction. Might be good to know :) It's not that I mind that plotline on the TV show per se, but once there's a baby, everything changes, including how Maura and Jane would approach a budding romantic relationship. And I just didn't want to go there.

So back to our non-pregnant Jane and equally non-pregnant Maura…

* * *

**CHAPTER 4**

"Rizzoli." "This is Dr. Isles."

Just after seven, two different ringtones had pierced the silence of Jane's bedroom. Jane had been the first to wake up. She had grabbed the phone off her nightstand and given Maura's shoulder a push. "Maura, your phone. Wake up," she had grunted.

Now the two are listening to dispatch telling them that a body has been found in a quiet street near Dudley Square in an apparent hit-and-run.

When they hang up almost simultaneously, Maura rubs her eyes for a moment and then slowly gets out of bed. She informs Jane matter-of-factly that she'll drive home to shower and that she'll meet Jane at the scene. Jane nods, already in detective mode, focused on the task ahead, the memories from the previous day and night shelved for now. As she watches Maura walk out of her bedroom, she calls after her, "Want me to pick you up a coffee on my way to the scene?" Maura turns around and with a smile says, "If you wouldn't mind. That would be great."

Forty-five minutes later the two women stand bent over the dead body of a white male of average built in his late teens. Frankie is already on the scene and informs them that the victim is one Dave MacIntyre, 17 years old, a Boston local, most likely a high school student. He gives Jane the black leather wallet they found on the victim's body and shows her a mobile phone they've already bagged. Jane quickly looks through the wallet before handing it back to Frankie. When Maura puts on a pair of latex gloves to inspect the victim's injuries, Frankie quickly pulls his sister aside to ask her how she's holding up. After only a few hours of sleep and with all the extra shots of espresso in her coffee hardly making a dent, Jane's not in the mood for Frankie's brotherly gallantry. She gives him a tired look and then hisses under her breath, "Stop babysitting me and help me figure out who killed this kid." But Frankie is no stranger to his sister's moods, and he isn't about to let her current grumpiness discourage him. He gives her upper arm a gentle squeeze and smiles at her encouragingly as if to say, "I know you're tough, but this is a rough time, and if you need me, I'm here." Grateful for her brother's gesture, Jane smiles back and then both detectives turn their attention back to the body.

Maura is already looking over the victim's injuries, and Jane asks her to give her the low-down. Maura lists a broken ankle, a broken leg, and lacerations, abrasions, and contusions to the arm and face. "There is likely to be some serious internal bleeding," she continues, "and it's possible that there's some hemorrhaging in the brain. Livor mortis hasn't fully developed yet, so the victim has been dead for less than twelve hours." Jane nods and says, "Okay, lets bring the victim in. I'll stay here to make sure we gather every piece of evidence that might help us find out who did this. It just doesn't seem possible that you wouldn't notice running over a kid his size leaving these kinds of injuries." When no one says anything, Jane raises her eyebrows at Maura, coaxing her to say something. "Well," Maura proffers, "I wouldn't call it impossible, but it's certainly highly unlikely." Jane rolls her eyes at this but is also amused and even glad that Maura will never commit to anything without the science to back it up.

After they finish collecting the evidence, Jane and Frankie head back to the station. Frankie talks Jane into having lunch at the Division One Café. Although Jane wouldn't mind avoiding her mother today, she's grateful for her brother's company and realizes she'll need to check up on her mother at some point anyways. Her mother had been so fond of Barry, and Jane knows his death has hit her hard. Since Barry was so close in age to her brothers, she also knows that the thought of her own children's mortality must've been on her mind.

When they sit down at one of the café's high tables, Angela immediately walks over. "I'm so glad to see you two," she says and immediately gives Frankie and Jane a big hug. "Ma, stop hugging me," Jane protests, but not as sternly as she might have any other day. "Oh Jane, you did such a wonderful job yesterday. I was so proud of you," Angela says. "And then when Admiral Frost arrived, I found that so touching. That he came back just in time for the funeral." As her mother talks, Jane stares blankly ahead. With a new case to focus on, she could do without all the reminiscing. "Could you get me a tuna sandwich and some fries, ma?" she interrupts. "And a coke?" Her mother sighs, but before she has a chance to respond, Frankie says, "I'll have the same." Angela decides to leave this battle for another day and replies with another sigh, "Alright, give me a few minutes."

Angela heads back to the kitchen and 15 minutes later brings them their food. Jane is thankful that the arrival of another customer prevents her mother from staying to chat. When they've almost finished their meal, however, Angela makes use of the post-lunch lull in the café to spend some more time with her kids. "I just can't stop thinking about the funeral," she begins. "It was so beautiful. And the bagpipes, they were so touching. When I looked at Barry's photo during the service, I kept thinking how pleased he would've been with such a beautiful service." At this, Jane snaps. "Ma, can you stop talking about the funeral please? We were all there. We know what happened." Jane can tell her mother is hurt by her outburst but feels too tired and annoyed to really care. "Jane, just because you never want to share your feelings with anyone, doesn't mean the rest of us should live like _eazelgängers_," she says. "_Einzelgängers_, ma! It's called an _einzelgänger_!" Jane bristles, before getting up, glaring at her mother, and walking out. "Ah, come on, Janie," she hears Frankie yell after her, "don't be such a…." But she's moved out of hearing range by the time Frankie has finished his sentence and can only guess at Frankie's choice of word. Whatever it is, she thinks, I'm sure I've heard it before.

Still in a huff, she gets into the elevator and hits the button to go down. When Jane walks into the morgue, she sees Maura and Susie bent over the body. Maura is explaining something to the senior criminalist and doesn't notice that Jane has entered the autopsy room. Just being down here in the cool morgue where things look clean and everything has a clear purpose restores some of Jane's tranquility. She stands in the doorway watching the chief medical examiner from a distance. From Susie's big eyes and constant nodding, Jane can tell that Susie is hanging on to Maura's every word. Jane knows Susie has always admired Maura, and in this moment, her admiration couldn't be more evident. Jane loves observing Maura in her natural habitat. Although she gets frustrated when Maura refuses to make a preliminary guess to help an investigation along, she knows how good Maura is at what she does.

Jane finally clears her throat causing Maura to turn around. Jane wonders whether the red she detects on the medical examiner's cheeks is a slight blush or the result of the exertion caused by her work.

"Jane, hi," she says.

"Maura, Susie," Jane replies stoically.

"What can I do for you?" Maura inquires.

"Well, I don't know," Jane says teasingly, "I was thinking that perhaps you might have a guy in here somewhere that got run over by a car last night and that you've been examining. But correct me if I'm wrong."

"Right, right. Sorry," Maura responds, looking slightly flustered. She turns to Susie and says, "Susie, would you mind running that tox screen for me?" "I'm on it," Susie answers, "I'll send you the results as soon as I have them." Maura thanks her, and the senior criminalist leaves the morgue.

Now that they're alone, Maura takes a step closer to Jane and with a look of concern asks, "How are you doing today?" With this question, Jane's earlier irritation, which the calm atmosphere of the morgue had managed to assuage, returns. Why couldn't everyone just back off a bit? Jane knows everyone's concerned, but she wishes they would just let her get on with her job today. The kid deserves her full attention. The kid's family needs her to do the job she's paid to do. The last thing she needs is to be reminded of Frost every five minutes of the day. Her panic attack the day before had really scared her. Losing all control like that was something she wasn't used to. And then with Maura, waking up from her nightmare in the middle of the night, she had lost control again. Kissing Maura had been amazing, it had been mind-blowing, but now in the light of day, Jane couldn't quite wrap her head around how they had ended up kissing with such abandon. It was almost like she had been possessed. The overwhelming love she had felt for Maura as she watched her sleep had been most real, and all the kisses had certainly been real, but now the whole evening and night had also acquired a rather otherworldly feel to them. She and Maura had been friends for a long time and nothing like that had ever happened. The intensity of it all scares Jane. She doesn't know what to make of it, doesn't feel she can trust her own reactions, her own emotions. She knows she's grieving, but unlike Maura, she doesn't know which, if any, stage of the process she's at, how the loss of Barry is making an imprint on her life. Jane realizes it's probably wise to just talk to Maura, but if any of it scares her, Maura's reaction and how the previous night might change their friendship scares her most of all. And she just can't deal with all of that—with the loss of her friend and partner and with everything that happened between her and Maura the previous night—and do her job. So now everything not directly related to Dave MacIntyre's death would just have to budge. And God would it be good if Maura and her family would help her do that instead of making it so much harder.

So turning to Maura and unable to hide her irritation, Jane says, "Look, I know everyone's mightily concerned and that's very noble of you all, but can we just get on with the job?" Maura's taken aback by the harshness of both Jane's tone and her words. She starts, "Jane, I just…." But Jane cuts her off and says, "Maura, just drop it, will you?" The atmosphere between them has turned as cold as the corpse they're about to examine. Maura turns to the body, inhales audibly, and says, "Okay. Well, here are the injuries of the primary point of impact: the left ankle and the left femur are broken, and there are major contusions to the left hip bone. These injuries suggest that the victim was facing the other side of the street at a 90 degree angle when the vehicle hit him. Then there are these secondary injuries along the victim's right side from sliding along the asphalt after the moment of impact. There are these lacerations and contusions on his arm and shoulder, and these abrasions on the right side of his face. The fact that we found the victim lying on his right side at the scene of the accident further corroborates the hypothesis that the victim was launched onto his right side after the vehicle hit him."

Jane listens quietly, taking in what Maura says, moving her eyes from injury to injury as Maura points to them with a pen. "Okay, so he was crossing the street, and a vehicle hits him before he reaches the middle of the road. Any idea what kind of vehicle it might have been?"

"From the injuries sustained at the moment of impact, I'd say the vehicle is likely to have been a medium-sized car."

"And can you tell from the scrapes and bruises on his arm and face how fast the car may have been going?" Jane continues.

"Jane, can I just interrupt you for a moment?" Maura asks.

Giving her a look that says _this had better be about the case_, Jane says, "What?"

"Look at this," Maura continues. She takes the victim's head and turns it to face away from her and Jane. She points her pen at the back of the victim's head and says, "Look here. These are signs of major trauma to the head. Someone or something must've hit the victim in the back of the head with great force."

"So," Jane theorizes, "the car hit the victim's left leg, then launched him onto his back where he sustained this injury, and then he slid across the street onto his right side…."

"Yes," Maura answers, "except for that the abrasions and lacerations on his shoulder and right forehead show that he hit the road while on his side and that he was never on his back."

"So what are you saying?" Jane says as she looks intently at the medical examiner. "You think the victim sustained these injuries at different times?"

"Yes, that _is _what I'm saying."

"Hmmm, so someone hits him in the head, the victim runs away, isn't looking where he's going, and gets run over by a car."

Maura, obviously displeased with all this guessing, says, "I haven't been able to establish how old the head wound is, nor do we know whether he was running when he was hit."

Jane frowns, inhales audibly, and then replies, "Sure, that's fair. But let me ask you this: If the blow to the head was so powerful, how could the victim have been able to get up and cross the street, no matter whether he was running or walking or skipping? Is it possible that the blow to the head didn't knock him out or that he regained consciousness at some point?"

"I don't know," Maura replies. "But I'm going to open up his skull and have a closer look at the internal bleeding this afternoon, so hopefully I'll be able to give you a better answer in a few hours."

"It looks like our simple hit-and-run might not be such a simple hit-and-run after all. Thank you, Maura. Keep me updated."

"I will," Maura answers. When Jane turns around to leave the morgue, Maura stops her with a hesitant "Jane?"

From her tone of voice, Jane can tell that Maura is done talking about the case. She wonders whether Maura will insist on discussing what happened between them—something Jane feels utterly unprepared for right now—or whether she'll face another scolding. But when she turns around and sees Maura looking at her lovingly, she knows she needn't worry. "Jane," Maura says, "I wasn't trying to be nosey before. I just…." But Jane has already walked up to her and rubs Maura's upper arm with her hand as she says, "I'm sorry, Maura. I know. It's been a hard day, and I just need to focus on this case." Maura nods, showing she understands. "I'm sorry if I was rude before," Jane continues. "Thank you for this update. Call me when you find out more about the head injury." Appreciating her apology, Maura smiles and says, "I will."


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

When Jane has left the morgue, Maura turns around and walks into her office. She moves around her desk and lets herself sink down into the gray leather chair. She's decided she must have a moment to collect herself before she can focus on the victim's head wound. Jane's presence in the morgue this afternoon perturbed her. When she noticed her friend in the doorway, a nervousness had taken hold of her. She's sure she even blushed a little and wonders whether Jane noticed. When she uttered her greeting, reminding herself that she was standing next to a corpse and that Susie was right there with them, was all she could do to not stare at those lips. Those lips she had been allowed to kiss only hours earlier.

But Jane had been distant. Maura had wondered all morning what it would be like to see Jane again outside of the detective's apartment. She had imagined Jane walking up to her in the morgue without uttering a single word and kissing her as she had kissed her last night. She had imagined Jane looking at her with so much love in her eyes that Maura would know it had been real. That this new love between them was real. But none of that had happened. Looking at Jane this afternoon, you would never have guessed that she had spent hours being kissed and comforted by this same medical examiner whose findings she'd now come to collect. Her mind had been on the case and that had been that.

And then when Maura had asked Jane how she was doing, this seemingly innocuous question had made her snap. And Maura couldn't understand, still can't understand, why a simple question that people ask each other hundreds of times a day had irritated Jane so much. A simple "fine" would have sufficed. Why snap rather than just answer the question? So much had happened over the past 18 hours. What could it be that had caused Jane to respond in such an angry manner? And Maura can't help but wonder whether Jane is lashing out because she's upset with Maura. She can't help but worry that Jane's displeased with how she dealt with her in her moment of crisis.

When Maura found her friend on the floor of her apartment, her heart had broken a little. It had been such a profoundly sad sight. Jane had sat there with tear-stained cheeks, shivering as if she were outside, coatless, on a winter night. She had looked so small and fragile, so unlike the Jane she knew.

Maura hadn't really meant to stop by, had been told by Jane there was no need, but when she went to pick up some food for herself, she had figured that she might as well get some for Jane too. Jane probably wouldn't take the trouble to make herself anything, and it would be important for her to eat.

And then holding Jane in her arms had been magical. She had felt so close to her and it had meant so much to her to be able to bring her friend comfort in that moment. Maura had always felt like she needed Jane just that bit more than Jane needed her. Not just because Jane was the stronger one, tougher physically and mentally more resilient, but also because Jane always had her mother and brothers to fall back on. But in that moment, Jane had needed Maura like Maura had never been needed by anyone. And it made her feel sad and happy at the same time. And then Jane had kissed her, and it had felt so right. It took her breath away. It had been beautiful.

And then when they were having dinner, she found that the kiss hadn't really changed anything between them. It had been what was needed, what got Jane out of her moment of panic and distress, and it had been fine. And Maura had felt relieved.

But then there had been that nightmare. Jane's gut-wrenching screams had woken her. When she had managed to wake Jane and had seen the realization that Frost was dead hit her again, all she had wanted to do was stop the panic. She had placed a gentle kiss on her friend's lips and when she pulled away she had thought that would be it, that perhaps they would talk or they would go back to sleep. But instead Jane had immediately sought out Maura's lips again. And Maura instinctively knew that if she would let her, it would change them. It would change her. But Jane had been so desperate, and Maura had wanted nothing more than to take some of the pain away. But then when they kept kissing, Maura's own lust, her own desire took over. It was no longer about bringing Jane comfort. To feel her tongue against her own, to feel her hand grabbing hold of her hair, it had been intoxicating. She had never been kissed like that before. It made her feel so alive. And she just wanted more and needed more and took more.

But what if, in that moment, Maura now thinks, when she had given in to her own desire, what if, in that moment, she had also stopped being a true friend to Jane. When the kisses became so desperate and intense, wouldn't a true friend have pulled back? Wouldn't a true friend have said, "I know you're terribly upset, but this is not the way. This is like getting drunk to forget your problems, only to discover when you're sober again that not only are your problems still there, you now also have to deal with a hangover. Tomorrow Frost will still be gone, don't make me your hangover." But she had not stopped her. Her tongue, her lips, her moans, they had encouraged Jane. With her whole being, she had kept asking Jane for more.

And was this then why Jane was annoyed with her today? Had Jane come to realize that Maura had turned her need for consolation, something so simple, so straightforward, into something complicated, something she hadn't signed up for? And did she now resent Maura for it?

And so a fear that she has done the friendship irreparable damage takes hold of Maura. For whatever she is feeling now—and it feels unmistakably like falling in love, like falling in love with her best friend—the friendship must come first. She could not lose this friendship.

For most of her life, Maura had looked after herself. It had been hard, but she had gotten used to it. She had learned, from a young age, not to rely on other people too much. It was better to be prepared to deal with anything that came your way on your own than to be unprepared because you think others will come to your aid when they won't. She'd become good at avoiding situations she'd have a difficult time with and she'd become an expert at picking up the pieces when the unforeseen did eventually and inevitably happen.

But then she had met Jane. And without realizing what she was doing she had, slowly but surely, made Jane co-responsible for her well-being. She had become a little less careful, a little less risk-averse, a little less prone to overanalyzing potential risks and benefits of situations. For if something were to go wrong now, Jane would help her get back on her feet. Making a bad decision was no longer as calamitous with someone by her side to help pick up the pieces, to cheer her up and cheer her on. And as a result she felt freer. It was like a burden she didn't even know she had been carrying had been lifted off her shoulders.

And it wasn't just the feeling that Jane would be there if she ever needed her. She had needed her, and Jane had been there. She'd saved Maura's leg, her life. She'd been there for her when Hope had rejected her, when she became depressed after the kidney transplant, when Ian had left again, when she went to jail.

And Jane had been so generous when it came to sharing her family with her. Damaging her friendship with Jane would also damage her relationship with Angela, Frankie, and Tommy. Her whole life would change.

And Maura realizes that by letting Jane into her life like that, she has made herself vulnerable. Even thinking about having to do it all on her own again, to face life on her own again, makes the air around her feel thicker, her body heavier.

And in that moment, as she sits in her leather chair, staring at her desk, Maura wishes she could just talk to Jane. Not the Jane she's falling in love with, but her best friend who always helps her put things in perspective and makes her feel better when she's feeling overwhelmed or upset. But of course she can't. And the same goes for Angela. How is it, she thinks, that I've come to rely so much on just these two women?

Suddenly reminded of the case waiting for her outside of her office, Maura gets up. She stares into the autopsy room for a second and then sits down again. Without thinking about what she's doing, she picks up the phone and dials Hope's number.

"Maura, what a lovely surprise."

"Hope, hello."

"To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"..."

"Maura?"

"..."

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry. Did you hear that Det. Frost passed away?"

"Yes, I did. I'm so very sorry, Maura. How are you holding up?"

"I don't know. It's hard. We all miss him. It's odd being at the station without him."

"I understand. And how's Jane doing? Wasn't Frost her partner?"

"Yes. He was. She's strong. She's back at work and investigating a new case. But I worry about her. I'm not sure she's coping well."

"And I guess she wouldn't dream of talking to a professional?"

"Well, you know what she's like."

"I do. But she's lucky to have you as her friend."

"I'm not too sure about that."

"What do you mean?"

"..."

"Maura?"

"Sorry, I just don't know whether my way of helping her is ... helping her."

"I'm sure you underestimate yourself, dear. I know how much she trusts and depends on you."

"..."

"So was there anything in particular I can help you with today?"

"Well, I just called to..." but all of a sudden Maura realizes that there's just no way. There's no way she'll be able to talk to her mother about this. Perhaps some day. But not today. Today Hope's still too much of a stranger to her.

So she says, "I just called to hear how you are doing."

"Oh Maura, that's so sweet of you. Cailin and I are both doing well. I'm collaborating with a lab in California on a new method for identifying victims of biological warfare and I might fly out there next week for some meetings."

"That sounds wonderful, Hope."

"Yes, I'm looking forward to it ...…... Maura?"

"Yes?"

"I would love to see you before I leave for Stanford. How about dinner early next week?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

"Okay. I'll call in a few days so we can pick a day and a restaurant."

"Perfect."

"Alright then."

"Goodbye Hope."

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Take care of yourself."

"I will, Hope. Thank you."

Maura is grateful that her mother didn't push her to disclose what was bothering her. What a silly idea to call her. But it had nevertheless been nice to hear her voice and it was obvious that Hope cared for her and wanted her to be well. Somehow knowing that comforted her.

Maura gets up from behind her desk and as she walks over to the victim's body, she decides that from now on, she is going to be as good a friend to Jane as Hope thinks she is. Whatever Jane will need to make it through these next few weeks, Maura will be there for her. If that means comforting her physically from time to time, Maura can do that, without holding grudges when it eventually stops. If that means they will just be friends and colleagues, then Maura can do that too. As long as she'll still have Jane in her life, she can deal with any and all of it.

Pleased with this resolution, Maura turns her attention to the victim's body. "Poor kid," she thinks as she looks over his wounds. She moves his head to the side, picks up her magnifying glass, and starts examining the nasty gash on the back of his head.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thanks to all of you who are still keeping up with this story. A special thanks to MedJuris1 for sharing your responses each time and to mholder for the kind words of encouragement. They are very much appreciated. And now that I'm doing these shout-outs, CreoleGurl, if you're still following this story, I'm so terribly sorry about your friend. I wish you all the strength to deal with this loss and thank you for your kind words after the first chapters.

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

After her visit to the morgue to get the latest on the victim's injuries from the medical examiner, Jane heads out with Korsak to talk to the victim's parents. Most of the car ride over is spent in silence. Korsak keeps his eyes on the road and his thoughts to himself. Jane stares out of the window, letting her eyes glide over the houses, the cars, the traffic lights, the trees. As she watches two older gentlemen in tailored suits having an animated conversation at some intersection, Jane realizes that everything seems slightly unreal to her today. What makes everything look so hazy, she wonders. Is it the lack of sleep? Is it Frost? Is it Maura?

As they enter the street in which the MacIntyres live—a residential street with large single-family houses and sizeable front yards, most of them impeccably kept—Korsak glances over at Jane and says, "Hey, I remember this street. This is where the body of that homeless man, Ted Cummins, was found. I think it was a couple of months ago. You remember?"

Jane nods and says, "I do," as her mind goes back to that sunny afternoon when they were called to the scene of a stabbing. A homeless man had been found behind a bush at the far end of a family's front yard. The family had been away on holiday and the body hadn't been discovered until many days after the murder. A neighbor who had been walking her dog down that street three times a day for years had finally noticed the strange smell and had called the police.

Jane remembers Frost arriving at the scene, taking one look at the decomposing body and walking away ready to throw up. She remembers looking around for him a few minutes later and spotting him accepting a glass of lemonade from some kid. Somehow the scene had touched her. You look one way, she remembers thinking, and you see a homeless man stabbed to death, rotting away in some bush. You look the other and some kid is giving your partner a glass of lemonade to make him feel better. God, how she missed him. And how weird to be back here with her old partner.

When they get out of the car and approach the MacIntyre family home, Jane and Korsak see a boy of about eight flinging twigs at a large willow oak in the corner of the front yard. He seems completely absorbed in his game. The force with which he launches the twigs at the trunk of the tree makes him look angry and petulant. When the boy realizes that two strangers have entered the yard, he stops his game, and his face assumes a softer expression.

"Hi there," Jane says.

"Hello," the boy answers shyly.

"Do you live here?" Jane asks.

The boy nods.

"Are your parents home?"

The boy nods again. Then he scrutinizes the detectives for a second and asks quietly,

"Are you here because of Dave?"

"Yes, we are," Korsak answers. "Was he your brother?"

The boy nods again.

"What's your name?" Jane asks.

"Johnny," the boy answers as he looks down and kicks at some grass.

"Hi, Johnny," Jane says. "I'm Jane and this is Vince. We're detectives with the Boston police."

"You're cops?" All of a sudden the boy stops kicking the grass and looks up, eyes wide open.

Jane smiles and says, "Yes, we are."

"Do you have a gun and you catch bad guys?"

Jane lifts her jacket a bit and turns her hip so the boy can see her gun and adds, "Yes, we catch bad guys all the time."

The kid looks pleased and impressed.

"Listen, Johnny," Jane says, "we'd really like to talk to your parents for a minute if that's alright. Are they inside?"

At that, Johnny drops the twig he was still holding and starts running to the front door. He swings open the door and calls out, "Mom, dad, the police are here!"

By the time Jane and Korsak have reached the porch, Mr. and Mrs. MacIntyre have come to the door. They introduce themselves as Ron and Debbie and invite the detectives in.

When they walk into the living room, another boy, a bit older, is sitting on the couch watching television. As soon as he sees Jane and Korsak enter, he turns off the tv set and heads upstairs to his bedroom without uttering as much as a greeting to the detectives. When they hear a door slam on the second floor, Debbie says, "That's Paul, the second of our boys. He and Dave were very close. He looked up to his big brother so much. He's been so angry. He keeps saying how unfair it is." She looks at her husband tearfully.

Jane takes this opportunity to offer their condolences. "We're so sorry for your loss," she says warmly. "We're also very sorry we have to bother you at this time, but there are a few questions we'd like to ask you."

The MacIntyres nod and offer Jane and Korsak a seat.

"Tells us about your son," Jane starts.

Debbie MacIntyre is about the speak but then chokes up, so her husband takes over. "Dave was a good kid. Worked hard in school, ran track, loved taking old computers apart and putting them back together. Just a good kid. Polite and kind. Good older brother. Paul and Johnny adored him. We all did." At that, he chokes up too, and to steady himself he takes his wife's hand.

"Was he involved in any fights lately? Did he talk about not getting along with anyone or being scared?"

As soon as Jane has asked these questions, Ron MacIntyre lets go of his wife's hand and looks at Jane confusedly. "Why are you asking us these question?" he then asks. "You think someone did this to Dave on purpose?"

His wife, who'd been crying quietly besides him now stops and also stares at Jane, bracing herself for Jane's response.

"We're not sure, Mr. MacIntyre. We think your son may already have been hurt before the car hit him."

"I don't understand," Ron MacIntyre says. "Someone hurt him and _then _ran him over with a car?"

"Mr. MacIntyre, I wish there was more I could tell you, but we simply don't know yet. That's why it's so important we get to hear from you what Dave was like the last few weeks or months, whether you noticed anything different."

For a moment, Ron MacIntyre glances down at his hands in his lap, then looks at his wife and after she nods, he starts,

"He did change. And it was all because of that Rysnik kid."

Jane briefly glances at Korsak to see whether he's also noticed the sudden change in the tone of Ron MacIntyre's voice.

Ron MacIntyre explains, "Dave was a good kid. Straight A student. At one of the best private schools in the city. Wanted to go on to college to study computer science." He sighs and then continues, "Then he meets this girl. Charlotte. Sweet little thing. Goes to his school, everything seems wonderful. But then Dave meets her older brother…"

"Mason," Debbie interrupts.

"Yes, Mason. Kid used to go to the same high school. Really gifted. Everyone says he could've gone to any college he wanted. But then he started doing drugs and his life got out of control, and now he's twenty and working for a local construction company. So Dave becomes friends with Mason and starts getting Bs and even Cs, stays out late, won't talk to us anymore."

Jane asks quietly, "Mr. MacIntyre, was your son doing drugs too?"

At that, Ron MacIntyre starts to cry, "I don't know. I just don't know. I think he may have. We never found anything in his room. But he may have."

Now it's his wife's turn to take his hand.

Ron looks at his wife, takes a moment to collect himself, and then says, "But I swear to God, if anyone wanted to hurt Dave, it must've been because of Mason. That fucking kid…."

"Ron," his wife says, trying to calm him down and feeling slightly embarrassed that her husband is swearing in front of Boston PD detectives.

Ron looks from Korsak to Jane and says, "I'm sorry detectives. Just the thought of that punk having anything to do with Dave's death, it just make my blood boil."

"I understand that," Jane says, "but please let us do our jobs. We don't know what happened yet. We'll do a thorough investigation and as soon as we know more, we'll let you know."

Jane looks over at Korsak and they both get up. Jane grabs her card, gives it to the victim's father, and says, "In the meantime, please let us know if you think of anything else that may help us."

Ron takes the card and nods. Jane and Korsak say their goodbyes and head back to the station.

* * *

As they walk into headquarters, Jane says, "I think we owe Mason Rysnik a visit." But seeing how tired Korsak looks, she adds, "Let's do that first thing tomorrow morning. You go home, have a proper meal, and get some sleep. I'll head down to the morgue to see whether Maura has any news on the head wound."

"Sounds good, Jane. See you tomorrow," Korsak answers with a tired smile.

When Jane walks into the morgue, Maura is nowhere to be seen. Jane decides to check Maura's office, but looking around the elegantly decorated space there's still no sign of the medical examiner. Jane's about to turn around when she spots Maura lying on her back on her sofa, eyes closed.

Jane clears her throat, and Maura open her eyes. When she sees Jane, Maura sits up with a start and stutters, "Jane, I…." But Jane cuts her off and says, "Hey, don't apologize. Least of all to me." The veiled reference to the night before, to Maura's lack of sleep because of Jane, because of what happened in that bed, it startles both women. It's as if a power source has sent an electrical current through the room. It makes them both feel nervous and uncomfortable.

Maura takes a deep breath. She sits up straight and as she tries to regain her poise says, "I was letting my mind and body rest for 20 minutes. Research has shown that 20 minutes of complete relaxation in the middle of the work day can greatly increase productivity on top of offering all sorts of health benefits."

Jane decides this is not the time for teasing and simply smiles before asking, "Did you have a chance to look at that head wound this afternoon?"

Relieved that they've got this case to talk about and that the uncomfortable moment has passed, Maura gets up and starts walking over to Dave MacIntyre's body. As she passes by Jane, she can't help but notice how tired and deflated the detective looks. The bite had most definitely gone from her voice too when Jane had told her not to apologize. How difficult it must be, she thinks, to talk to grieving families while still grieving oneself.

Jane follows Maura out of the office and when they have made their way over to the victim's body, Maura pulls up some augmented imagines on the computer to her left.

She points to the screen and asks Jane, "Do you see these rectangular lacerations on the victim's skull?"

Jane takes a step closer to the screen and bends her body forward to take a better look at the image. Having thereby unwittingly entered Maura's personal space, she manages to send a shudder down the medical examiner's spine. Aware of Maura's slight discomfort without this awareness fully breaking through to the level of consciousness, Jane takes a step back again and asks, "Any idea what kind of weapon could've produced those kinds of cuts?"

Maura looks at the screen again and answers, "Yes, these lacerations appear to have been produced by a gun."

Jane looks puzzled as she says, "A bullet grazed the back of his skull?"

"No, it wasn't a bullet," Maura clarifies. "It was the base of a gun."

"Someone smacked the victim in the head with the base of a gun?"

"That's what it looks like. It's called 'pistol-whipping.' The term was first recorded by the American dialect society in 1930 but with the meaning of 'to threaten with a pistol.' The meaning of 'to strike with the butt of a pistol' was first recorded in 1942."

"That's fascinating, Maura."

Maura smiles broadly at the compliment until she realizes from the look on Jane's face that her friend was being sarcastic.

With her smile transformed into a slight pout, she says, "Anyways, I'll run more tests to see whether we can find out more about the type of gun that was used."

Jane takes a step back from the victim, looks him over, thinks for a moment, and then speculates out loud, "So, our perp wants to do away with our victim. He is about to shoot him, but then thinks, hey, if I just smack him in the back of the head and then push him in front of a car, it will look like an accident."

"Jane, you know I…."

"Yeah, yeah, you don't like to guess. But what I'm wondering is, if you see someone push a kid in front of your car, would you not stop and call the police? If someone pushed the kid, the driver's not going to be at fault."

"Unless the driver was worried that the police wouldn't believe his story."

"Or… unless the hit-and-run was a set-up and the driver was in on it all along."

"So you think we may we dealing with more than one suspect?"

"I don't know, perhaps you're right and the driver simply got scared. But I'd say it's at least a possibility."

Jane pauses for a moment and then asks, "Could you tell from the internal bleeding whether the victim could've regained consciousness at any point after he was hit in the head by the gun? After he was 'pistol-whipped'?"

"I wouldn't rule that out. But if he did regain consciousness, he must've felt seriously disoriented and his vision will most likely have been impaired."

"Thanks, that's very helpful."

Now that the official business of discussing the medical examiner's latest findings are over, the air between them suddenly thickens with words unspoken, sentiments unexpressed, fears unshared.

To quell her own discomfort, Maura starts putting away some of the tools she had been using and asks, casting a sideways glance at Jane, "So, you're heading home?"

"I've got some paperwork to catch up on, but yeah, as soon as that's done. I already sent Korsak home. We're heading out early tomorrow morning to talk to the victim's druggy friend."

Reminded of her own earlier resolution to be a good friend to Jane and noticing once again how tired the detective looks, Maura stops what she's doing, catches Jane's eye and says, "Please let me know if there's anything you need." Realizing how that simple offer now has taken on a whole new significance, Maura blushes slightly. But Jane seems not to notice. Her mind is already on the paperwork she left on her desk. With a smile and an "I will. Good night, Maura," she turns around and leaves the morgue.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

Having gone straight to bed as soon as she got home from the station, Jane wakes up the next morning with a rumbling stomach hours before she's supposed to meet Korsak. Castigating herself for not eating something before she turned in, she drags herself out of bed, walks into her kitchen, and pours some Cocoa Puffs and milk into a white bowl. As she sits down at her kitchen counter to eat her sugary cereal, she realizes she doesn't feel half bad.

The day before she'd felt exhausted even before she had left her apartment for the crime scene. She doesn't quite know how she had made it through the day, but somehow she had managed. She had done much of her job on autopilot and, ironically, feeling so worn out had actually helped her stay focused on the job. The fatigue had taken the sharp edges off her emotions and had prevented her from spending mental energy on things not directly related to the MacIntyre case. She had gone through her day fully aware that Frost was dead, that they had buried him the previous day. But somehow her brain, working at half capacity, had pushed everything related to that tragic event to some difficult-to-access recess of her mind. The grief was there, the empty feeling of sadness was there, but they didn't force themselves to the forefront of her mind, they didn't demand to be reckoned with. So she'd been able to get through her day—interviewing the family, looking over the results of the autopsy, planning the next stages of the investigation—without falling apart. She'd felt out of it, but she'd gotten the job done.

Today she feels a whole lot better. What a difference a good night's sleep could make, she thinks. Sitting there in the early morning light, eating her Cocoa Puffs, Jane almost feels like a new woman. She gets up to make herself some coffee and as she listens to the coffee maker boiling water a sense of contentedness comes over her. She breathes in deeply and just takes a moment to enjoy feeling more like her usual self than she has in days.

The past week had been an emotional roller-coaster ride. At first the reality of Frost's death hadn't really sunk in. Living the discrepancy between what you felt was real—that surely Frost couldn't really be gone for good—and what you knew to be real—that yes, he was gone—had left her feeling slightly out of sync with herself. And then when she had read Barry's postcard and when knowing and feeling had become one, the dark emotions that assaulted her had made the easiest acts—standing up, breathing—suddenly seem impossible. Being unable to get a grip on her own emotions, to regain control over her own body, had also made her feel like she'd somehow lost touch with herself. So just sitting here, smelling the freshly brewed coffee, listening to the birds chirp outside, and feeling that she more or less knows who she is again, it is nice. It is really nice.

Jane gets up to feed Jo Friday and as soon as the dog hears the kibble hit the bowl, she comes running into the kitchen. In her good mood, Jane sweeps the dog off the floor and, pressing her nose into the white fur, gives Jo Friday a big hug. Unaccustomed to so much physical attention from Jane, Jo Friday lets out a happy bark. But reminded again of the food on the floor, she soon tries to wiggle free. Jane puts her down next to the bowl, and Jo Friday's paws have barely touched the floor or she's already gobbling up the dog food.

Jane smiles at the sight of Jo Friday eating with such fervor. She pours herself a cup of coffee and sits back down. With both hands wrapped around the mug, she closes her eyes and inhales the delicious tangy scent of her hot coffee. She blows the steam away and takes a careful sip.

As she sits there, slowly drinking her coffee, she glances over at her couch and it is as if she can see Maura lying there again, as she had lain there not two nights ago. How could you possibly explain what had happened to her then she thinks now. She had looked at Maura asleep on the couch and her heart had actually ached. She had had to slouch her shoulders forward in an attempt to lessen the pangs in her chest. But even though there was pain, it had nevertheless been an amazing feeling. She had felt so connected all of a sudden, not just to Maura, but to every living and breathing thing on this planet. She had felt with every particle of her body how infinitesimally small and transient a single human life is but also how infinitely important and wonderful. And she had felt such a deep love for this one human being right in front of her, asleep on her couch. It had seemed astounding to her all of a sudden that this woman, this amazing, wonderful woman, was her friend. That this woman cared for her and that she cared for this woman and that they got to spend so many hours of so many days together. It had filled her with a deep sense of gratitude, and it had actually caused her chest to ache.

When later that night Maura had roused her from her nightmare, that feeling from earlier had gone. But it had been replaced by a different feeling of connectedness. It hadn't necessarily been less strong, but it had been much more immediate, more desperate, more carnal. If before, through her love for Maura, she had felt a deep bond with all living things on this planet, in that moment only Maura had seemed to exist. And Maura had no longer been someone to marvel at, to admire, to observe from a distance as she had in that earlier moment. Jane had needed to feel her, to touch her, to take possession of her. And she had. Their kisses had been so forceful and passionate and looking back she can't help but wonder where all the fire had come from. The kisses, the caresses, they had allowed Jane to forget about her nightmare, to lose herself in a world in which she had not suffered a major loss. It had been wonderful, but it had also been overwhelming.

So if Frost's death was one thing she had needed to shelve yesterday to be able to do her job, whatever it was that had happened between her and Maura had been another.

But today, sitting at her kitchen counter, Jane can't help but think back on all those kisses. The kisses that had been gentle and soothing, the kisses that had been deep and passionate, and the kisses that had been violent and desperate. And she has a hard time figuring out why, after so many years of being best friends, this had happened. Why they had ended up kissing for what had seemed like hours. It was impossible to dismiss the kisses as some fun experiment between two best friends who, one night, decide it's fun to see what it's like to kiss one another. There had been so much emotion there, so much desperate need, so much desire.

So what to make of all of it then? What had changed?

Of course what had changed was that Barry was dead. One of her closest friends had died. Had it been the shock then of losing one close friend that made her take possession of her other close friend like that? Was it the fear of losing Maura too that had caused that ache in her chest, that need to feel Maura's lips, to take her into her arms, to make sure she was there, really there? To check again and again that she was really alive?

And Jane wonders, if anyone else had shown up in that moment when she had fallen apart on her floor, would she have clung to them like she had to Maura?

But no, how could it have been anyone but Maura. Of course it was Maura. Perhaps what had happened now in extreme circumstances would've happened at some point anyways, should've happened at some point anyways.

Jane had always been aware of how good she felt around Maura, how she had gravitated towards her from the moment they had met. And of course it was clear for anyone to see how attractive Maura was. Sexy even. And how smart she was. And funny. Of course she was also a bit weird. But she was weird in such a charming and endearing way. And it had been most wonderful to find the reserved and introverted Maura Isles slowly start to open up to her, to trust her. It had made Jane feel all the more protective of her. And of course, sometimes, especially after a few drinks, she would feel like kissing her friend. But she had always been quick to brush those feelings aside, to push any thoughts of that kind out of her mind. For that was not who she and Maura were. She could not imagine that Maura could ever be into her like that.

But now, of course, nothing was certain anymore. Maura had reciprocated with such force. How could that not mean anything? But then again, what if Maura was just trying to be the friend she needed? Even Jane could see how finding your friend on the floor in the middle of a panic attack might count as a desperate circumstance requiring desperate measures.

So Jane decides there's nothing she can really do but talk to Maura. So that's just what she'll have to do. It will be hard and it will be awkward, but there's no other way. If she can just be honest and tell her that Frost's death has really thrown her for a loop and that she finds it difficult to know who she still is amidst all the grief, that'll be a start. And then she can tell her that the kisses nevertheless felt right and that she's pretty sure it wasn't just a result of the grief and panic. And then she can gently inquire how Maura feels. And she'll have to be strong and prepared for what comes next. For if Maura indicates that she can't go there, that she was just trying to be a good friend, then Jane will have to accept that and make sure no damage is done to the friendship. But who knows, perhaps the unimaginable did happen. Perhaps Maura does feel the same.

A quick glance at her clock tells Jane that it's time to shower and get dressed and head over to the station. Ready for her day with this plan of attack—talk to Maura, tell her how you feel, find out how she feels, and whatever happens, make sure to save the friendship—Jane puts her bowl and mug into the sink and heads into her bathroom.

Forty-five minutes later she's in her car out front of headquarters, waiting for Korsak to arrive. She's about to grab her phone to call him, when she sees him emerge from the police station and heading down the stairs towards her car. When Korsak gets into the passenger seat, Jane can tell that his early night has done him some good too. He looks better than he has in days.

"Morning, Vince," she says. "You look good today."

"Why thank you, Jane. Yes, I feel okay. How about you?"

"Yes, I feel okay too," she answers with a smile. How grief and death change all kinds of things, she thinks. Even the meaning of such simple words as _okay_. Normally when someone tells you that they're "okay," they mean "it could be better; not too good actually." But now "okay" suddenly meant "it could be a lot worse; pretty good actually." Korsak must've had a similar thought, for he turns to Jane and says with a smile, "Okay? That's good." Jane smiles back at him warmly and then turns the key and drives away.

* * *

When they reach the street in which Mason Rysnik lives, Korsak frowns and says, "Are you sure this is the right street?" When Jane's puzzled expression tells him she doesn't understand what he's getting at, he adds, "Mason Rysnik still lives with his parents, right? So, if they could afford to send both Mason and Charlotte to one of the best private schools in the city, how come they live in a run-down apartment in such a bad neighborhood?" "Good question," Jane answers. "I wonder whether the family ending up here has anything to do with the drug use. We'll have to look into that."

As Jane pulls up in front of the apartment building where the Rysnik family resides, she sees someone emerge from the lobby and about to exit the building. She nudges Korsak and says, "Quickly, hold that door." Korsak jumps out of the car, runs to the door, and manages to grab hold of the door just before it's about to slam shut. The guy in his late sixties who had just left the building looks over his shoulder and gives Korsak a wary look.

"Not bad for an old man," Jane says as she squeezes past him into the building. Korsak shakes his head at her and then walks in after her letting the door fall shut behind him.

In the lobby they're met with a pervasive smell of urine, and walls and floors that look like they haven't been cleaned in years. Jane walks over to the elevator and presses the button. When no light comes on and when the absence of any whirring sounds tells them no elevator is coming any time soon, Jane kicks the elevator door and hisses, "Son of a bitch."

"What floor?" Korsak asks hesitantly.

"Sixth," Jane sighs.

"Sixth? That's not so bad. And you call _me_ and old man?" Korsak smirks.

Jane lets out a deep sigh and heads over to the staircase.

When they reach the sixth floor, Jane can hear Korsak breathe heavily behind her.

"Not so bad, huh?" she teases.

"It's not the climb, it's that awful smell. Makes it hard to breathe."

Jane turns around and gives him a look that says, "Yeah, right, leave your lame excuses somewhere else." Then her expression softens and she says, "Ready?" When Korsak nods, Jane knocks on the door while saying loudly, "Boston Police, open up!"

Within a matter of seconds, they hear shuffling steps behind the door. One, then two locks are opened. Then the door opens a few inches, but only as much as the still locked door chain will allow. In the small opening of the door, the head of a teenage girl appears. Her long blonde hair is tied back into a ponytail and two big brown eyes stare at the detectives.

"Charlotte Rysnik?" Jane guesses.

"Yes?" the girl answers uncomfortably.

"I'm Detective Rizzoli and this is Sergeant Korsak. We're with Boston Homicide. We'd like to talk to your brother Mason."

"He's still asleep."

"Well, could you please wake him for us?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"He's not been sleeping well at night and he hates to be woken up before he really has to."

"Listen, this is not a social call. Go tell your brother two detectives are here to talk to him and to get his ass out of bed."

Charlotte nods, opens the last lock and invites the detectives in. She walks down the hallway and in the dark Jane and Korsak can hear a door open and close. They hear some muffled sounds and seconds later Charlotte is out in the hallway again, leading them into the tiny living room, telling them that Mason will be out in a few minutes after he's put on some clothes.

As they sit down, Jane says, "Charlotte, I'm sorry for your loss. I understand you and Dave MacIntyre were dating?"

Charlotte nods and says sadly, "Yeah, we had been for the past few months. I really liked him. I still can't believe he's gone."

"Do you know why your brother hasn't been sleeping at night?"

"I think it's because of Dave, but he won't talk to me. He gets up five minutes before he has to go to work and then comes home again late at night. I can hear him moving around in his room at night. I don't think he sleeps very much."

"Did Mason and Dave hang out a lot?"

"I guess so."

When Jane and Korsak remain quiet, she adds, "They got along really well. I was surprised at first because they seemed so different, but it was nice. Sometimes we would all hang out. Or if I needed to do my homework, they would go out together."

"Where did they go when they'd go out together?"

"I don't know," Charlotte answers with a shrug.

At that moment, a still disheveled Mason walks into the living room. He's put on some black ripped jeans and a black t-shirt of some band Jane has never heard of. It doesn't look like he took the trouble to comb his hair. As he sits down, he says, "What do you want?"

"Well," Jane starts, "why don't you tell us a bit about your friend Dave?"

"What about him?"

"How long have the two of you been friends?"

"I don't know. Six months?"

"Where were you Wednesday evening?"

"I was here at home."

"Charlotte, can you confirm that?" Jane asks his sister.

Charlotte quickly glances over at her brother and says, "Yeah, we were both here."

"When was the last time you saw Dave, Mason?"

"I don't know. Monday?"

"What did you do?"

"Hang out."

"Were any drugs consumed during this 'hanging out'?"

"What? No! I quit that stuff ages ago. No," Mason says indignantly. "We were just hanging out. You know. Talking and stuff."

"So you're telling us you neither sell nor do drugs?"

"No, I'm telling you, I don't do any of that shit."

"What do you know about the way in which Dave died?"

"Well he got hit by a car, didn't he?"

"Do you know of anyone who might've wanted to hurt him?"

"No. I don't know anything about any of that. Listen, I really have to get ready for work. Is that all?"

Jane looks over at Charlotte who sits in the corner of the couch, looking nervous. "Are your parents home?" she asks the girl.

"Our mom is dead and dad's away on a business trip."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know," Jane says apologetically.

"That's alright, she's been dead for years," Charlotte answers.

Jane looks at Korsak trying to get some sense of what he's making of all of this. Then she says, "When will your father get back from his trip?"

"He should be back later today."

"Okay," Jane says as she gets up. She looks at Mason and giving him her card says, "Well, let us know if you suddenly do remember Dave getting into a fight or having problems with anyone." Mason shrugs and takes the card.

As Jane and Korsak walk out of the apartment building, glad to be leaving the smell of urine behind, Jane says, "There's no way that kid was home Wednesday night." Korsak nods and asks, "Do you think Charlotte lied because she's scared of him or because she wants to protect him?" As Jane unlocks the door of her car, she says, "I don't know. Perhaps both?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **_In Which the Author Reflects on the Experience of Writing Her First Ever Fanfiction Or Any Kind of Fiction for that Matter (and Which the Author Encourages the Reader to Skip if She/He Finds Her/Himself Thinking, Please Not One of Those Long Boring Author's Notes, Just Get On With the Story Will You?)_

I'm quite new to the whole fanfic, fandom experience. I didn't even know such a thing as fanfiction existed until maybe 6 months ago. I know, where was I living, right, on Mars?

Anyways, one day I discovered the AfterEllen website and started reading the _Rizzoli and Isles_ and _PLL_ recaps and just loved how brilliantly they were written and how smart, insightful, and hilarious the authors were. And it was the first time I felt connected to some kind of lesbian community, and it was a great feeling. I then stumbled upon this fanfiction site and read several of the fanfics and really admired the inventiveness of the authors and the time and effort they put into telling these funny, tragic, romantic, juicy stories.

I figured that the threshold for writing one's own story is rather low on a site like this, so I decided to just go for it and try and write my own story.

I have to say that so far the experience has been quite different from what I expected. A few things I've discovered:

1) A LOT more people seem to read, or at least click on, these stories than I expected. I mean, a LOT more. I remember posting the first chapter and wondering whether anyone was going to read it.

2) It's much more difficult to plan anything—plot, character development, basic outlines of chapters—than I thought. I've discovered you can't just make these characters do whatever you want. Once you have an idea of who your characters are (who _you_ think Jane and Maura are) it becomes more about following their lead and trying to stay true to them. This means that sometimes you just can't do the things you thought you'd be able to do. You have to change tack constantly.

3) Writing a fanfic is both less lonely and lonelier than I expected. It is less lonely because of the realization that it's real people out there reading this make-believe story on their computers, tablets, and phones. And I can't help but wonder who you are. What kinds of lives you live, what your struggles are, what kind of day you had when you stumbled upon my story. And that makes me feel connected to you. But it's also lonelier because you all remain so terribly anonymous. There are user names and a few reviews, but that's it. In the end I really have no idea who you all are.

4) Before I started writing this story, I thought I wouldn't really care about reviews and all that stuff. You're all strangers. I don't know you. What do I care what you think. You could be some psychotic nutter who hates lesbians for all I know. Wrong. Turns out that reading nice reviews is actually rather wonderful. And reading the not so positive ones, well, you remind yourself that everyone's entitled to their opinions and force yourself to be gracious :)

But so far it's been an interesting ride, and I appreciate the company!

So, with that out of the way, here's chapter 8. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**CHAPTER 8**

When Jane and Korsak drive away from the Rysnik residence, it's still early morning.

It had been good to put a face with a name, especially after Ron MacIntyre had maligned Mason Rysnik as he had. Yet talking to Mason had raised more questions than it had answered. What did Dave and Mason have in common for them to have hit it off like they had? A three-year age difference could be a lot at that age. Were drugs a factor? Why had Charlotte seemed so nervous? Was Mason just a grumpy teenager and not a morning person or was there more to his sullenness than that? And where was Mr. Rysnik? Why wasn't he there to support his kids after they had suffered such a terrible loss?

As Jane drives away, she's also reminded of Korsak's earlier question. How come a family living in such relative squalor manages to afford sending their kids to a top-tier private school? She turns to Korsak and says, "Hey, how about we stop by the John the Baptist Academy on our way back to the station and have a chat with the principal. Perhaps he can tell us how the Rysniks ended up living in such a crappy apartment and how Dave MacIntyre went from being a straight A student to a being found dead with the imprint of a gun on his scull."

"Sounds good to me."

Half an hour later, Jane pulls up in front of a beautiful and imposing-looking neo-Gothic building. She parks the car in the school's lot and as she gets out of the car, she can't help but be reminded of going to church as a child. There are the carved wooden doors, the columns, the arches, the stained glass windows, the gargoyles.

The two detectives walk up the stone stairs and enter the building. The main corridor—its high ceilings decorated with religious imagery and its wooden panels beautifully carved—is empty. As Jane and Korsak walk down the wide corridor, the silence is occasionally interrupted by the muffled sounds coming from the classrooms to either side. After having passed six or seven classrooms in this manner, Korsak and Jane arrive at what seem to be the administrative offices. Looking around for the principal's office, they spot a woman in her forties with short brown hair, a black skirt and a frumpy sweater walking out of an office further down a smaller corridor to the left of the main one. The woman walks up to the two detectives and with a friendly smile says, "Hello, can I help you?"

"Yes, hi, I'm Detective Rizzoli and this is my colleague Sergeant Korsak. We'd like a word with the principal if that's possible."

"Certainly. Mr. Schlesser's office is two doors down. He should be in, so you can just go ahead and knock," she says as she points to a closed door.

Jane and Korsak find Mr. Schlesser seated behind a beautiful antique oak desk. He appears to be in his forties, his thinning blonde hair cut short, a bit of a beer belly showing behind his white button down shirt and blue tie. His manner is affable, and he invites the detectives to sit down and to tell him how he may be of service.

"We're investigating the death of Dave MacIntyre," Jane starts.

"Oh God, yes. We're all still in shock. Dave was so well liked by all of us. Such a bright kid too. What a tragedy." The principal stops for a moment to collect himself and then continues, "Next week we're holding a memorial service. I've been talking to some of Dave's close friends here at the academy to see what kind of service they'd like. It will be important for the students to all come together and mourn his death . Such an awful thing to have happened."

"Mr. Schlesser, we understand that in the past few months Dave's performance in school lagged. Do you have any idea what was the cause of that?"

"I'm afraid I don't." Schlesser clasps his hands together and places them in front of him on his desk. "I had actually scheduled a meeting with Dave for next Monday to talk about his academic performance. It wasn't like him to slack off. His teachers were concerned too. They say he wasn't engaging with the material anymore. But we have no idea why."

"And these friends of his you've been planning the memorial service with, they haven't said anything either?"

"No, I don't think so. But may I ask why you are asking these questions? My understanding was that Dave died in a tragic accident."

"Well, we're not certain it was all that accidental."

"What? You think someone ran him over on purpose?"

"Well, we're still investigating, Mr. Schlesser," Jane says, "that's why it's important we get as much information about who Dave was hanging out with and what he was doing in the weeks leading up to his death."

"I don't think I'll be of much help there. I only know his friends here at school, and they all seem like good kids."

"Mr. Schlesser," Korsak says, taking over from Jane, "do you remember a student of yours by the name of Mason Rysnik?"

"Mason? Of course, how could I forget. His younger sister is still a student here."

"Yes, Charlotte, we know," Korsak interrupts. "What can you tell us about the family?"

"The Rysniks? Well, it's a rather tragic story really. When Mason was twelve and Charlotte eight or nine, their mother passed away. Their father had a hard time coping. So Mason ended up doing a lot of the work around the house: cooking, cleaning, looking after Charlotte."

Jane quickly catches Korsak's eye and gives him a look that says, "Is this the same Mason we talked to this morning?"

"But he was a real bright kid," the principal continues. "And so mature for his age. One of his teachers who knew about our scholarship program got in touch with us. He'd been getting into trouble at the public school in his neighborhood, and this teacher was convinced he was acting out because he was bored and that a change of scenery might do him some good. So we tested and interviewed him, and then that fall he started here. Did really well at first. Smart as a whip. Had a real gift for music too. Played in one of the school's bands for a while. Bass guitar. Really loved it. But then he hit puberty and just started to lose interest in school. His grades got worse. He was distracted in class and some days even seemed positively catatonic. We brought in a psychologist, talked to his dad, did everything we could. But nothing helped. It was very frustrating for all of us, because we just wanted him to succeed."

"Did you know that Mason and Dave were friends?"

"No, I didn't know that. But I know Dave and Charlotte were dating."

"Was Mason doing drugs while he was enrolled here?"

"Drugs could explain some of his behavior, but we never caught him using anything, so we were never 100% sure."

"And is Charlotte here on scholarship too?" Jane chips in.

"Yes, she is. Very different kid from Mason. Very conscientious when it comes to her school work, never causes any trouble. We're happy to have her here."

"Okay, Mr. Schlesser, I guess that's all for now. Thank you for your time. But please let us know if you hear of anything that might help us. Any fights Dave might've been in, any problems he might've had."

"Of course," the principal replies as he gets up. He walks around his desk and, as he shakes first Jane's and then Korsak's hand, says, "I'll let you know if anything at all is brought to my attention."

"One more thing," Jane says as they're about to walk out of the principal's office. "Did Dave have a locker in the school?"

"Why, yes, he did. I was planning on packing up his things and having them brought over to his parents later today."

"Do you have his locker combination?"

"Sure, let me grab it for you," Mr. Schlesser says as he walks out of the office.

Moments later he returns with a piece of paper with the locker combination scribbled on it. "Would you like me to walk you there?" he asks.

Taking the post-it, Jane say, "If you just point us in the right direction, I'm sure we'll find it."

Jane and Korsak take leave of the principal, grab a bag and some gloves from Jane's car, and then head back inside to look for Dave MacIntyre's locker. As they put several books, a rucksack, a water bottle, and a pair of sneakers into the plastic bag, Jane says, "Let's bring this in and have Frankie take a look."

As they make their way back down the by now familiar corridor, Jane glances over at Korsak and asks, "Have you ever wondered what it would've been like to have gone to a school like this?"

"Uh… scary?"

Jane frowns. "Scary?"

"Yeah, I bet they would've forced me to learn something. All I wanted to do at that age was play music and travel and be done with sitting in a classroom all day long."

Jane smiles and says, "Knowing that, you didn't turn out all that bad, Vince."

Korsak laughs and says, "Well, I've had many years to play catch-up."

"Yeah, like sixty?" Jane teases.

Korsak shakes his head in mock indignation and then asks, "Hey, wanna stop for an early lunch somewhere on our way back to the station?"

But thinking that lunch might be a good time to talk to Maura or at least make plans with her to talk later, Jane tells Korsak that she'd prefer to keep working for now and that she'll grab something at the Division One Café later.

When they get back to the station, Jane and Korsak immediately head upstairs. When they walk into the bullpen, Jane puts the bag with Dave MacIntyre's possessions on Frankie's desk and sits down in her own chair. Staring straight ahead, Jane quickly makes a mental list of the things to do next: they should go over the statement of the person who found Dave, look at the evidence that they collected at the scene, find out whether the crime lab has any details on the type of gun used to hit the victim in the head, and continue to look into Dave's relationship with Mason Rysnik. And then take it from there.

Looking around, Jane all of a sudden realizes that something has changed. The bullpen somehow looks different. Not sure at first what it is, it suddenly hits her. It's Frost's desk. All his things are gone. His files. Even his blue action figure.

And before she fully understands what has hit her, she gets up, enraged. How dare they, she thinks. How dare they just throw his things away like that. This man gave the best years of his life to this police corps and they don't even have the common decency to wait two weeks before they clear out his desk to make room for somebody else? And she knows she's being irrational, jumping to conclusions, but she can't help herself.

Finding herself on her feet but unsure where to go or what to do, Jane takes a few steps back and forth. Then she sees her brother Frankie walk into the bullpen. As soon as Frankie sees his sister pacing, hitting the inside of one hand with the fist of the other, he knows something is wrong. He walks over to her and asks gently, "Jane, what's the matter?"

Jane tries to talk, but the words get stuck in her throat. She points at Frost's table and looks at her brother both angrily and helplessly.

"Janie, I'm so sorry," Frankie starts. "You were out, and I …."

Looking stunned, Jane takes a moment to collect herself and then stutters, "You? You did this?"

She clenches her jaw and shoots daggers at her brother.

Adopting his most contrite and submissive younger brother voice, Frankie says, "Jane, come on, I just thought…"

"You just thought what?" Unable to let it go, she takes a step closer to her brother, clearly making him uncomfortable, and continues, "You just thought, Oh, why don't I just get rid of Frost's things, no need to discuss this with anybody, let's start with a clean slate, close this chapter…."

"Jane, come on, that's not fair."

And Jane knows that it's not fair and that's she being unreasonable. She needs to get out of there, she thinks. _Just get out of here and don't make things worse. It's not Frankie's fault._ But she's furious. So she looks Frankie up and down dismissively and seethes, "Glad to see you making yourself useful around here, Frankie." Then she turns around and walks out of the bullpen, leaving behind a stunned Frankie and a concerned Korsak.

Jane walks into the elevator and before she knows what she's doing, she's pressed the button to go down to the morgue. When she walks into the autopsy room, no one is there. She's about to walk into Maura's office when the medical examiner, reading a file she's holding with both hands, walks out. The two almost crash into one another.

"Jane!" Maura exclaims. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you. Is everything…," but Jane's face couldn't tell her more definitively that everything is not alright.

"Oh Jane, what's wrong?" Maura begs to know.

Jane shrugs and says with as much calm as she can muster, "I'm fine. I just…. I just wanted to know whether there's any news. Any news about that gun. That gun used to knock out Dave MacIntyre."

Seeing how much Jane is struggling to keep her composure, Maura takes hold of the detective's upper arm and gently guides her into the office, saying, "Let's just go in here for a minute."

Maura takes a seat on her sofa, expecting Jane to join her there, but the detective has no intention of sitting down. She paces back and forth from Maura's desk to the office door. The medical examiner waits to see whether Jane will say anything, but when Jane remains silent, she pleads, "Jane, talk to me."

Jane stops walking for a second, looks down at Maura, says, "It's stupid, I can't," and keeps walking.

"Jane, come on, even if it's stupid, talk to me."

At that, Jane crosses her arms in front of her chest and finally sits down.

Maura gives her an encouraging look. Jane sighs and then says, "Why do I keep doing this?"

"Do what?"

"Lash out."

"Who did you lash out to?"

Jane sighs. "Frankie."

"Frankie?" Maura looks surprised. "What did he do?"

"He cleared out Barry's desk." At that, Jane puts her hands in her lap and bows her head.

"Jane, I'm sure Frankie just wanted to help. I'm sure he meant no harm."

"I know that. I really shouldn't blame him. But it just pissed me off so much." Jane sighs again and then adds, "I wish I were better at this."

"At what?"

"This whole grieving thing. Carrying on."

Maura grabs hold of Jane's hands and says, "Jane, Barry has been dead only a week. The funeral was only two days ago. It's perfectly understandable that seeing his empty desk would upset you. I'm sure Frankie will understand. Try not to be so hard on yourself."

But Jane shakes her head. She stares ahead again, avoiding Maura's gaze. No, she doesn't want to accept this. She hates feeling like this. Where did that feeling from earlier this morning go, she wonders. Why can't I hold on to that?

Seeing how much her friend is struggling, Maura pleads "Jane, please look at me." When Jane continues to stare ahead, Maura puts a hand on Jane's cheek and forces the detective to look at her. Looking deep into Jane's eyes, she says, "Really, Jane, this is not the end of the world. You're grieving. You'll apologize to Frankie and it'll be fine. And you'll be fine. We'll get through this."

For the first time actually really taking in Maura's words, Jane starts to feel calmer. She exhales slowly and feels the anger seep out of her body bit by bit. But with the anger no longer clouding her mind, she also all of a sudden becomes painfully aware of Maura's hand on her cheek and the medical examiner's body so close to hers. She finds herself looking down at Maura's lips and then forces herself to look up again. But meeting Maura's eyes there, it is evident that the medical examiner knows what she's been looking at, knows what she's been thinking. Feeling embarrassed, Jane looks down. At that, Maura gives the hand she's still holding a reassuring squeeze and says, "Jane, it's alright." Jane glances up again and seeing Maura look at her with so much love and compassion, she slowly moves her head closer to the medical examiner's, until her lips have found their favorite destination.

As soon as their lips have made contact, their tongues seek each other out. Feeling Maura's tongue against hers again sends a shiver down Jane's spine. Oh my God, how good this feels, she thinks. How amazing. How could you ever get enough of this? But she's craning her neck uncomfortably to be able to kiss Maura and finds herself needing to pull back so she can adjust her position. At this loss of contact, Maura lets out a soft moan. Turned on by this noise to no end, Jane quickly reattaches her lips to Maura's and sucks the medical examiner's bottom lip hard. Feeling Maura's tongue move against the inside of her top lip, Jane quickly opens up again, relishing the wet softness that meets her there. Jane grabs hold of both sides of Maura's head so that she can kiss her even more deeply. And for a few minutes their kisses are as intense as ever. Then they quickly become more gentle, softer. And for the next few minutes the women lose themselves in the most wonderfully tender kisses.

When Jane finally pulls back, Maura looks at her lovingly. The medical examiner leans in again, taking Jane's lips in between her own and allowing herself one more kiss.

Then Jane realizes that if ever they are going to talk about what's going on between them, now is the time. So, already starting to feel nervous, she looks Maura in the eye and says, "Maura, I think we should probably talk about this."

Maura looks puzzled for a second and then, realizing what Jane must be referring to, says, "Talk about these kisses, you mean?"

"Yes," Jane answers as she looks at Maura insecurely.

Noticing the discomfort and uncertainty on Jane's face, Maura says, "Jane, I really don't want you to worry about this. I'm here if you need me."

"But these kisses…" Jane starts, but then stops again. What is she going to say? _But I love kissing you? I'm only worried that you're just doing this to comfort me?_ God this is harder than she thought it'd be.

But before she has time to find the right words, Maura, in a further effort to dispel Jane's doubts and fears, says, "The mouth is incredibly adept at providing all kinds of comfort to the distressed individual. Babies engage in what is called Non-Nutritive Sucking to soothe themselves. As we grow older, the mouth retains this function. There have been many studies that show that a great number of social and emotional benefits can be gleaned from this kind of 'comfort sucking.'"

Jane frowns and finds herself at a loss as to what to say. What on earth is Maura trying to get at? All her science talk is bad enough when they're trying to solve a case. But now it's just the worst.

Observing the puzzled expression on Jane's face, Maura continues, trying to explain, "Kissing releases such hormones as dopamine and oxytocin which create a strong sense of well-being and allow us to form stronger bonds with one another."

Getting slightly exasperated, Jane blurts out, "Maura, what are you saying here? In normal English please."

"I'm just saying that I'm here for you. You're my best friend and I know you're hurting and I know that kisses have the ability to make people feel better, and I don't want you to feel bad that you're increasing your dopamine levels by…."

"… by kissing you?"

"Yes. Exactly."

Jane inhales deeply. _You're my best friend_. _Dopamine levels. _Okay, Jane thinks, I think I get it. "So these kisses…," Jane tries one last time to make sure she hasn't misunderstood.

Eager to let Jane know once and for all that she can count on her, that she'll be there for her as Jane comes to term with Barry's death, Maura says, "… they don't bother me. Honestly, Jane, don't worry about me."

Feeling weirdly relieved that now at least she knows where she stands and grateful that the friendship seems intact, Jane takes Maura's hands into her own, looks her friend in the eye and says, "You're a great friend, Maura." She then gets up, eager to be by herself now that 'the talk' is over. When she reaches the door to Maura's office, she briefly turns around and says, "Thank you."

Maura, who's remained seated, gives her a warm smile in return. "Any time," she says as Jane walks away.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Thank you so much for your wonderful comments! So good to hear from you readers out there!

* * *

**CHAPTER 9**

As soon as Jane has moved out of sight, Maura involuntarily raises a hand to her lips and lets her fingers brush gently across their surface. As she absentmindedly allows her fingertips to linger there for a moment, the hint of a smile appears on her face. Millions of nerve endings in the brain dedicated solely to the lips, she thinks. And so few layers of skin covering them. What a magnificent part of the body.

Feeling her fingertips on her lips, it is almost as if Jane is there again, as if she can feel Jane's lips on her own again. How incredible it had been to be allowed to kiss her once more.

Thinking back on how Jane had looked at her, seated there on her sofa, beating herself up over how she'd treated her brother, Maura can't help but feel elated. Jane had looked at her as if somehow Maura was the only one in the whole world who could make her feel better. And when she had found Jane staring at her lips, she was reminded of the promise she had made to herself not to hold any grudges if some day the kisses were to stop. But the look in Jane's eyes had told her that today was not that day. Today, the physical contact, the spike in dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin were still needed. Maura had still been needed, and it had felt wonderful.

At first, it had puzzled Maura why Jane had become so upset over a fight with her brother. It wasn't as if Jane had never snapped at Frankie before; it wasn't as if the two didn't regularly get on each other's nerves. Maura had always liked how the Rizzoli siblings didn't tread on eggshells around each other. It was quite the opposite: if there was any eggshell in sight, they were sure to stamp on it for the sheer pleasure of getting a rise out of each other. Having grown up without any siblings, Maura had been amazed, observing the Rizzoli children over the years, at how utter devotion and deep love coexisted so comfortably with petty meanness and a delight in putting each other in their place.

It wasn't until Jane had said that she wished she were better at grieving that Maura had understood what had made this squabble different, why it had upset Jane. The detective had not wanted to lash out. It had happened in spite of herself. And that bothered her. She had wanted to be able to trust her own responses again. Jane was an intuitive person, always relying on her instincts. And now she could not trust her own gut reactions anymore.

And that is when Maura had realized that when Jane had snapped at her the previous day, it hadn't been because she resented Maura for having taken advantage of her in her emotionally fragile state. It wasn't because she had felt angry that Maura hadn't put a stop to the kisses. It wasn't because Jane had realized the effect the physical intimacy had had on Maura. Jane had just not wanted to talk about anything personal. She had struggled to cope with Barry's death, had not felt her usual self, and had simply wanted to focus on her job.

When Jane had turned to Maura after they had stopped kissing and had said that they should probably talk about the kisses, Maura had known that Jane wasn't blaming her. The look in her eyes didn't say, _how could you?_ It said, _please tell me this is alright. Please tell me I didn't mess up._ It had been hard to see Jane look so insecure, so full of self-doubt. Jane was usually so certain of herself. Sometimes her self-confidence even spilled over into something rather difficult to distinguish from pure cockiness. And Maura had been desperate to reassure her, to tell Jane not to worry. To tell her that no, she didn't feel like Jane had taken advantage of her; that she was a big girl and could look after herself; that she understood the biochemistry of the kiss and had read up on grief and understood what Jane was doing and didn't mind. Didn't mind at all.

Her reassurance seemed to have calmed Jane, and that had made Maura feel proud. She had promised herself to be there for Jane, and she had. Knowing that Jane needed the physical contact and realizing that Jane didn't judge her negatively for allowing it to happen, Maura had let herself simply enjoy the moment.

Suddenly a cough interrupts these reveries, and as Maura quickly moves her hand away from her lips and back into her lap, she sees Frankie Rizzoli stand in the doorway.

"Hello, doc," he says.

"Frankie, hi. What can I do for you?" Maura says as she gets up, taking a step towards Frankie.

"Have you seen Jane?" Frankie asks.

"No, I haven't," Maura replies. When she feels her face turn red, she quickly corrects herself, "Well, I mean, she was here before, but now she's not."

Feeling like she's digging herself into a hole, Maura starts to look slightly uncomfortable.

Frankie notices that something has thrown the medical examiner off balance and asks, "Maura, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she responds before taking a deep breath. Then with a smile she adds, "What I meant to say is that Jane stopped by earlier, but then she left. I think she's gone back upstairs."

Looking somewhat perplexed, wondering whether he missed something, Frankie mutters an "Okay, thanks," and walks out again.

* * *

When Frankie walks back into the bullpen, his sister is nowhere to be seen.

"You seen Jane, Korsak?" he asks Jane's former partner.

"No. But listen Frankie. Don't be too hard on her," Korsak pleads.

"I won't," Frankie reassures the detective as he walks out of the bullpen again.

* * *

When Frankie enters the Division One café, his mother is wiping off some tables.

"Frankie, how's it going?"

"Good ma. Have you seen Janie?"

"No, why? Is something the matter?"

"No, stop worrying. I just need her for this case we're working on."

"You kids work too hard," Angela says with a sigh. "But no, I haven't seen her since she stormed out of here yesterday. Are you sure she's alright?"

"Yeah, she's just got a lot on her plate."

"I know. But I do worry about her. She was so fond of Barry."

"Ma, we all were. She'll be alright."

"Okay, if you say so."

Frankie gives his mother a quick peck on the cheek and heads outside.

As he stands at the top of the stairs outside of headquarters, Frankie looks to his left and spots his sister sitting on a bench. She's leaning forward and has put her elbows on her knees, wringing her hands in front of her face. Frankie walks over to her and as soon as Jane sees him, she gets up and starts, "Listen, Frankie, I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have yelled at you and I…." But Frankie interrupts her. "Jane, don't worry about it. I get it. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I just figured you wouldn't want to deal with that stuff on top of the case and everything else." Jane gives him a smile, showing that she understands and that she's grateful he's not holding a grudge.

"But that's not why I came to find you." When he sees Jane frown, he continues, "I looked through the backpack you got from Dave MacIntyre's locker." The two Rizzolis sit down on the bench and Frankie continues, "The bag was nearly empty, but we did find an old cellphone in there."

"Didn't we already find his cellphone at the scene of the accident?" Jane asks.

"We did. It looks like this was maybe a spare phone. It's an old Samsung x495."

Jane smiles, "Yes, I remember those."

"Anyways, there were only a few numbers in there: his parents, his brother Paul, his grandfather. So at first I figured his family had given him the phone in case of an emergency, in case his other phone died."

"I guess that makes sense."

"But look at this," Frankie says as he pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"I sent the phone on to the crime lab for analysis. But before I did, I made sure to copy down his grandfather's number so I could show it to you."

Jane looks at Frankie as if to say, how could I possibly care about his grandfather's phone number? But taking a closer look at the number, she exclaims, "Holy crap. Is that Frost's number?"

Frankie nods and says, "Yeah, it is."

"Why would Dave MacIntyre have Frost's number?" Jane asks.

"I have no idea. I also don't get why he would list him as 'granddad'? It makes no sense. You think perhaps Frost took over Dave MacIntyre's grandfather's number?"

"Do we even know whether this grandfather is still alive?"

"I checked. He is. Retired and lives in Boston. Not far from where his daughter, son-in-law, and three grandkids live. It doesn't look like he ever owned this number. And check this out," Frankie continues, "the phone's history shows that Dave called this number at least five times in the past few months."

"And we know that Frost was definitely using that number at that time."

Frankie nods.

Furrowing her brow, Jane continues, "Do you think maybe Dave wanted to make sure that whoever might go snooping around his phone wouldn't know he was talking to a detective?"

"Could be."

Jane sighs, takes a moment to think, and then says, "This makes no sense. Do you remember Frost ever mentioning this kid to you?"

"Nope."

"Yeah, me neither."

For a few seconds the two Rizzolis stare ahead. Then Jane gets up and says, "I guess it's time to pay the MacIntyre family another visit."

Frankie nods and then gets up too.

"Thanks for this, Frankie. Good job."

"Well, you know, I like to make myself useful around here," Frankie says with a grin.

Jane punches him in the shoulder and, as she gives him a wink, says, "Didn't I already compliment you on that before?"

Frankie laughs and says, "Yeah, it was the highlight of my day."

Jane smiles, grateful that things are back to normal between them.

* * *

As Korsak and Jane pull up in front of the MacIntyre family home, they spot Johnny MacIntyre sitting on the porch, looking rather despondent.

"Hey, Johnny," Jane says as they walk up the path to the house.

"Hey," he answers.

"What's up?" Jane asks.

"Nothing much," Johnny replies moodily.

"Why are you sitting out here?"

"No reason."

"No reason?"

"I don't like it when my mom and dad are yelling at each other."

"Were they yelling at each other? I don't like it when people yell either," Jane says warmly. "What were they yelling about?"

"They were yelling about Dave."

"They must be very sad."

At that Johnny nods dejectedly, gets up and opens the front door for them. As he walks inside, he yells, "Mom, dad, the police are back."

As Jane and Korsak follow him into the house, the MacIntyres emerge from the kitchen. Debbie MacIntyre's eyes are bloodshot and she's wiping away a tear with her handkerchief. Ron MacIntyre clears his throat and says, "Detectives, we didn't expect you back so soon. What can we do for you?"

"Could we sit down for a moment and talk?" Jane asks.

"Sure," Ron MacIntyre says as he points them to the couch and chairs in the living room.

"Mr. and Mrs. MacIntyre," Jane starts, "do you know whether Dave was in touch with anyone at Boston PD?"

"What do you mean?" Ron MacIntyre inquires.

"I mean, did he know any police officers or detectives?"

"No, I don't think so. I can't imagine he did. Why are you asking this?"

Jane looks at Korsak and then says, "We found the phone number of a Boston homicide detective in his list of contacts on the cellphone we retrieved from Dave's locker."

"What are you saying? Did he not have his phone on him when he died?"

"Yes, he did. This was on his other phone."

"Other phone?" Debbie MacIntyre says, looking confused. "He only had one phone."

"This was an older model with only a few numbers. Mostly family members. So you didn't know he owned a second phone?"

Debbie MacIntyre shakes her head and says, "No." She looks at her husband, but he seems equally nonplussed by this new piece of information.

She takes a second to think and then asks, "Did you take his rucksack with you to the police station?"

"Yes, we did," Jane responds. "We're still analyzing the contents, but as soon as we're done, we'll let you know and you can come and pick it up."

"Thank you. I don't care about the rucksack, but I'd like to have his notebook. To remember him by."

Jane looks at Korsak to see whether the notebook rings a bell for him. When his raised eyebrows tell her it doesn't, she says, "I don't think we found a notebook in Dave's locker, Mrs. MacIntyre. Just a pair of sneakers, a water bottle, some books, and the rucksack."

"Maybe it was in the rucksack?"

"No, the rucksack was empty besides the phone and some old receipts."

"How can that be?" Debbie MacIntyre looks bewildered. "He almost always kept that notebook in his locker at school. He sometimes brought it home, but he was always worried we would read it. I think he treated it as some sort of diary. He would draw in it too, and write stories. His grandfather, my father, gave it to him for his past birthday. One of those gorgeous leather-bound notebooks. I looked everywhere in his room after he passed away. He'd been so closed up in recent months. I thought it might help me get to know my son again." At that, Debbie MacIntyre starts to cry quietly, using the handkerchief she's still holding to dry her cheeks.

"Is there any chance he might've left his notebook somewhere else?" Jane asks.

With a sob, Debbie MacIntyre says, "I guess there might be, but I just can't imagine where. He was such a typical teenage boy. So guarded and secretive about his emotions. Not wanting anyone to know how he really felt about things."

"Well, we'll try to find his notebook and when we do, we'll let you know."

"We'd appreciate that," Ron MacIntyre answers for both of them.

"So, just to be absolutely clear, you had no idea Dave had a second cellphone and you also had no idea that he was in touch with a Boston PD homicide detective?" Jane asks, looking from Ron to Debbie and back to Ron.

As they both shake their heads, Jane and Korsak get up.

"We'll do everything we can to get to the bottom of this, Mr. and Mrs. MacIntyre," Jane says.

Debbie MacIntyre looks up at Jane and says with a sob, "This is just all so confusing."

"We know and we're sorry," Jane says warmly, reaching down to put a hand on Debbie MacIntyre's shoulder.

As the detectives turn around, Ron MacIntyre also gets up to show them out.

As Jane and Korsak walk back to the car, Johnny MacIntyre comes running around the corner of the house with his arms spread out while making the buzzing noises of an airplane. Spotting the detectives, he stops in his tracks.

"Hey Johnny, still outside?" Korsak asks.

"Yeah, daddy said that if the police come back I should go outside."

"Well, it's nice to play outside. Especially when you've got a pretty yard like this," Korsak says.

Johnny smiles and nods. "Are you gonna come back again?"

"We don't know yet. We might," Jane answers.

"Can I see your gun again?" the boy inquires shyly.

With a smile, Jane lifts her jacket and as Johnny takes a step to have a closer look, Jane says, "Stop right there, don't come any closer. These things are really dangerous."

With big eyes, obviously in awe of both the detective and her dangerous gun, Johnny nods sternly. Then he spreads out his arms again and continues his flight around the house. Jane and Korsak get into Jane's car and as Jane glances back at the house, she sees Johnny imitating an inverted spin and almost crashing into the grass in the process. "Cute kid," she says as she turns on the engine.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

As soon as Frankie sees Jane and Korsak enter the bullpen, he quickly makes his way over to the seasoned detectives and asks, "Any news?"

"Nope," Jane answers sulkily.

"So the parents didn't know why Dave was in touch with Frost?"

"Nope. Didn't even know he owned a second phone."

"They did mention a notebook, however," Korsak adds as Jane walks over to her desk and lets herself sink into her chair.

"Notebook?" Frankie inquires.

"Yeah, his mother insisted there should've been a notebook in Dave's locker."

"But you didn't find one, did you?" Frankie asks just to make sure.

"No, we didn't."

"Wow. This is getting more confusing by the minute."

When they hear Jane grunt, both Korsak and Frankie turn around to look at her. Finding the two men staring at her, Jane realizes that what she thought was an inaudible expression of her discontent must've been rather audible after all. To explain the grunt, she says, "We've gotta figure out why this kid had Frost's number. It can't be that hard to figure out."

Both Frankie and Korsak are quiet for a second as they observe the frustration that's written all over Jane's face. Then, as if he's only remembering this piece of news now, Frankie blurts out, "We found some encrypted messages on Dave's phone."

Jane, who'd let her body slouch in her chair and her head hang, suddenly perks up. "Which phone?"

"The one we found in the locker."

"Well, what do they say?"

"We don't know."

"What do you mean, we don't know?"

"Well, they're encrypted."

"Come on, Frankie, I'm sure there's someone here who can crack a stupid encryption."

When she sees Frankie and Korsak's shocked expressions, Jane realizes with a start what she just said. "Oh shit," she says. "I'm sorry."

"We've got people looking at it," Frankie reassures his sister, "but so far no luck."

"Great."

"I'm sure they'll figure it out, Jane."

"Yeah, but when?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to be patient."

At that, Jane glares at her brother and Korsak and Frankie can't help but chuckle. They both know that asking Jane to be patient is like asking ice cream not to melt on a hot summer day.

Thinking it wise to change the subject, Frankie asks, "Any news, Jane, on the gun that was used to hit the victim in the head?"

"Oh shit."

"What?"

"I went down to ask Maura, but don't think I got an answer."

"You don't think you got an answer?"

"She, uh, she … was working on something else."

When she sees both Frankie and Korsak frown, Jane quickly adds, "Her expertise was needed by, uh, someone on the Drugs Squad."

"And you can't go and ask her again?"

"Of course I can. I just forgot."

When Jane remains seated and shows no intention of getting up, Frankie asks, looking puzzled, "Uh, you want me to go?"

"What? No! Don't be stupid. I'll go," Jane says as gets up and walks off in a huff.

When she's left, Frankie looks at Korsak to see whether he can enlighten him on what just happened, but Korsak merely shrugs as if to say, "What do I know?"

* * *

Jane had hoped she wouldn't have to go down to the morgue quite as soon as this. It had been important to talk to Maura earlier. She's glad they had talked. And somewhere in the back of her mind she had already known that Maura kissing her back like she had was probably more a result of Barry's death than any changed feelings on Maura's part. For really nothing had changed the past week, except for them losing Frost. And Maura was so much more scientific when it came to emotions, physical intimacy, and dealing with trauma. _Dopamine levels. Comfort sucking. _The medical doctor had diagnosed an ailment of the heart and had provided the medicine needed. But Jane knows that she herself has changed. She can't deny that her feelings for Maura have changed. Loving Maura has started to mean something different from what it always had. So she has to figure out how to keep things the same between them now that everything has changed for her. How on earth is she going to do that? She wishes she had some more time to think everything through. But there isn't time. This case needs to be solved, especially now that it seems that Frost was somehow involved. So until she has more time to think, all she knows is that the kisses must stop. Maura had said she didn't mind and Jane had believed her. It had been pretty clear that Maura had also enjoyed their kisses. But that didn't matter if Maura had kissed her primarily to make her feel better, to be a good friend, to increase Jane's dopamine levels and perhaps also her own. It would just not feel right. It wouldn't be right. And Jane had to protect herself. Perhaps the kisses had triggered these new feelings. Perhaps if the kisses were to stop, things could go back to normal.

Jane's still in the middle of pondering all these things when she finds herself at the entrance of the autopsy room. Maura is bent over Dave MacIntyre's body. She seem to be inspecting the abrasions on the victim's right arm.

"Hey, Maur," Jane says to dispel the silence that so easily becomes pregnant with all kinds of uncomfortable significance if she'd allow it to linger.

Maura quickly turns around and the big smile on her face tells Jane she couldn't be happier to see her. "Hi Jane."

"Uh, I wanted to ask you whether you found out anything about the gun," Jane says as matter-of-factly as she can.

At that, the smile disappears from Maura's face. She takes a moment to shift gears. Seeing Jane, all she had been able to think about was that last kiss and Jane needing her and being comforted by her. And Maura had felt all warm inside. But clearly, Jane did not come down for any of that. She was all business now. So, after taking a moment, Maura answers, "I've been able to determine that Dave was hit with the base of the gun's magazine."

She turns to face the computer screen behind her and points to some blurry area on an X-ray: "Look at this."

Jane squints and takes a closer look but can't figure out what she's supposed to see. "What am I looking at?" she asks.

Maura moves her index finger across a small area in the middle of the screen and says, "You see this? That's the imprint made by the gun."

"Okay, yeah, I see it."

"And do you see this here?"

"What? This line?"

"Yes. I believe it to be the upper curve of the capital letter G."

"It's a Glock?"

"Yes, it looks like he was hit with the base of a Glock magazine."

"So it was probably just a pretty standard handgun? Like a Glock 17 or Glock 19?"

"That's what it looks like. It's impossible to be 100% certain however."

"Wow. That's so not helpful then. I bet there are more Glock pistols in Boston than puppies. Unless, of course, we find a gun with part of Dave MacIntyre's skull attached to it."

"Sorry. I'll keep digging to see whether I can find anything else that may be useful."

Jane moves the thumb and index finger of her left hand to the inner edges of her eyebrows and moves them away from each other across the dark brows, a gesture that Maura knows signifies that Jane is either tired or frustrated or trying to figure out what to do next.

"So, how's the rest of the investigation going?" she asks gently.

Jane looks at Maura while she tries to decide whether she's in the mood for sharing the most recent piece of information with the medical examiner. Then she says, "We found Frost's phone number on one of the victim's phones."

"What?"

"Frost was listed as 'granddad.' The victim made at least five calls to that number. We also found a couple of encrypted messages, but haven't been able to crack them yet. And the victim's mother told us her son kept some kind of diary, but we haven't been able to locate it yet." As Jane concludes this short summary, she lets out a deep sigh.

"And Frost never mentioned the victim to you?"

"No. Not that I remember."

When Maura remains silent after that, Jane blurts out, "It's just so stupid. If only Frost would've been here to crack the encryption, we would be able to figure out why and how Frost was involved in this case."

Maura ponders this statement for a second and then says, "I think you'd call that 'ironic' rather than 'stupid'."

"Really?" Jane can't help but glare at the medical examiner.

"I'm sorry. Yes, I can see how that must be frustrating for you," she adds in a tone that's meant to placate her friend, but which to Jane's ear sounds patronizing.

"It IS frustrating," she almost shouts. "I try not to think about Frost at work and now I _have to _think about him in order to solve this case. And not only that, but in order to solve this case, I need him to work his computer magic. Who knows how long it'll take whoever is looking at it now to give us the content of these messages."

Seeing that she's upset her friend, Maura reaches for Jane's hand and takes it in between her own. "I'm sorry Jane. That's not what I meant. I know this is difficult."

Maura's words make the hardness in Jane's face disappear. "I'm sorry," she offers, giving Maura a look that seems to say, _I_ _told you I wish I were better at this._

Maura gives Jane a reassuring smile, and all of a sudden a palpable tension fills the air. "Jane," Maura whispers hoarsely, trying to read in Jane's eyes what she may need, whether this is another moment in which she can provide Jane with the physical comfort she may crave. But the detective, remembering her earlier resolve to put a stop to the kisses, withdraws her hand from in between Maura's and, after clearing her throat, says, "I'm alright." She takes a step back and, looking at Maura hesitantly, says, "I'll just go tell Cavanaugh that we need someone to help us with all the IT stuff Frost normally did."

"Uhm, yes, that sounds wise," Maura answers, uncertain all of a sudden of how to behave now that Jane pulled back her hand so demonstrably.

"Okay. Uh, thanks for the info about the gun."

"I'm sorry it wasn't more helpful."

"That's not your fault. Let me know if you find anything else."

Jane stops for a moment, gives Maura a look full of sad longing, and then turns around and heads back upstairs.

* * *

By the time Jane leaves Cavanaugh's office, it is after six. When Jane walks into the bullpen, most of her colleagues have gone home for the weekend. Frankie and Korsak are two of the few people still there. "What are you guys still doing here?" she asks.

"We just wanted to wait for you," her brother says kindly. "Any news?" he adds.

"I've asked Cavanaugh to send us someone to help with the encryption stuff and anything else IT-related that might come up."

Korsak gives Jane a warm smile and says, "That's good, Jane. Help is good."

"Any news here?" Jane asks.

"No, nothing yet. We were just talking about going to the Robber for a burger," her brother replies. "Wanna come?"

"That sounds great actually."

"What sounds great?" When Jane turns around, she sees Maura standing there looking at the three of them.

"Hi, Dr. Isles," Korsak answers, "we were just talking about going to the Robber for some dinner. Wanna come?"

Still uncertain of what exactly transpired between her and Jane only an hour earlier, Maura studies Jane's face to see whether her friend might object to Korsak's offer. But Jane gives her a smile and says, "Yeah, Maur, come join us." Relieved, Maura accepts the invitation.

* * *

When they arrive at the Dirty Robber, the place is packed. After the long and exhausting week they've had, neither Jane nor Maura is particularly in the mood for the Friday night crowd. But the prospect of being alone with their thoughts is not appealing either, so they follow the waitress to the only free booth in the corner of the restaurant. Watching Maura squeeze into the corner of the booth looking out into the restaurant, Jane tries to decide whether it's wiser to sit next to Maura and not have to look her in the eye, or to sit opposite her and not have to feel her body so close by. But as she tries to make up her mind, the decision is made for her by Korsak and Frankie who both move into the seats opposite Maura. Seeing she has no choice, Jane sits down next to Maura, making sure to leave a good five inches between them.

"It sure feels weird to be here without Frost," Korsak says after the waitress has brought over three beers, a glass of white wine, and the menus.

"Everything feels weird without Frost," Jane says.

The four of them are quiet for a minute, lost in their thoughts. Then Frankie raises his glass and says wistfully, "To Frost. We miss you buddy."

They all clink their bottles and glass together. "To Frost" they add in unison. Maura glances over at Jane to see how she's doing. The detective is staring at the bottle of beer in her hand, looking absolutely deflated. Without really thinking about what she's doing, Maura moves a hand under the table and places it on Jane's leg in a gesture that's supposed to bring her consolation. But as soon as she's placed her hand there, Maura feels Jane tense up. She quickly removes her hand and looks at Jane's face trying to understand what just happened; what, if anything, she did wrong. But Jane catches her eye and with a tiny smile seems to ask her not to worry.

Moments later, three detectives from Vice make their way over to their booth. The tallest of the three addresses the foursome: "Hi, we were just wondering whether we could buy you guys the next round. We're really sorry about Frost. He was a great guy." Korsak and Frankie are about to accept the offer when Jane responds icily, "Thank you, but I think we're good." Taken aback by her brusque manner, the three men make a quick retreat.

When the Vice guys are out of hearing range, Frankie looks at his sister and says, "Come on, Janie, they were just trying to be nice."

"I'm so sick of everyone trying to be nice," Jane answers moodily.

As soon as Jane has said this, Maura can feel a shiver run down her spine. "She's not talking about you," she tells herself, trying rather unsuccessfully to stave off the fear that Jane is, in fact, including her in "everyone." And immediately this worry is followed by a wave of resentment and indignation. How dare Jane speak like that when Maura's gone out of her way to be there for her in this very trying time. But when Jane catches her brother's eye and sees his own questions there, she quickly adds, "God, I didn't mean any of you. I was just hoping to have a quiet meal without having to make small talk with people I hardly know." She looks at Maura, hoping to find some understanding there. But whether purposefully or not, Maura does not meet Jane's eye and, instead, takes a slow sip of her wine while staring at the table.

The awkward silence that follows is interrupted by the waitress who comes to take their order. Jane asks for a burger and fries, and if Maura cares at all that she's not including anything healthy in her meal, she does not let on.

The four talk about the case for a bit as they're waiting for the food to arrive, but when the food is placed in front of them, they allow the conversation to peter out.

As they sit there eating their dinner in silence, Jane and Maura can't help but be intensely aware of each other's body so close by. Being in each other's physical presence brings much needed comfort to them both. And so much has happened between them—which they're both still trying to process and understand—that it's actually nice to not have to talk, to just sit there feeling the other person near.

At the end of dinner, Jane excuses herself and gets up to go to the ladies'. When she passes the three Vice guys, the ego of the stockier of the three seems not to have recovered yet from Jane's earlier abrasive response. Under his breath he says, making sure Jane can hear, "Too bad for Frost his partner was such a bitch." Before the guy knows what has hit him, Jane has her hand around his throat and pushes him up against a wall. "What is that?" she seethes, "wanna repeat that?" But the guy is not in the mood to be told off by some chick, nor does he have any qualms about hitting a girl, so he turns his hand into a fist and punches Jane in the ribs. As she has the wind knocked out of her, Jane lets go of the guy's throat. "Crazy ass bitch," he says as he pushes her away, causing Jane to trip and fall.

The racket produced by Jane's fall draws the attention of her companions. When Maura spots Jane on the floor, she shrieks, "Oh my God, Jane." All three of them quickly run over to the scene of the fight, Frankie ready to punch whoever attacked his sister. But the moment is over. Jane's still gasping for air on the floor and her nemesis has been pushed aside by his friends and ordered to calm down. Maura kneels down by Jane's side and, as she grabs hold of Jane's arm, says, "Oh my God, Jane, are you alright?" But Jane merely grunts and wiggles free. "I'm fine," she moans. She gets up and continues her way to the ladies', with Maura in tow.

When Maura has closed the door behind them, Jane turns around and, catching Maura's eye, fumes, "That son of a bitch."

"My God, Jane, what just happened?"

Jane frowns at Maura, showing she's not in the mood for these questions. Undeterred, Maura continues, "What did you do?"

"What did _I_ do? What did _I _do?" Jane hisses, moving past Maura to leave the ladies' room. But Maura is having none of that and grabs Jane's arm, preventing her from leaving. So Jane turns to Maura and, looking at her with eyes that are even darker than usual, says, "He was just being a dick."

"Oh, he was being a dick?" Maura asks, still holding on to Jane's arm.

"Yeah, that's what I just said. Listen, it's really not a big deal," Jane answers as she pulls her arm out of Maura's grasp.

Maura sighs and shakes her head. "So, you're alright?" she asks with the bite now all gone from her voice.

"Yes, I'm alright. I just want to go home."

"Well, if you don't want to be alone, you're always welcome to stay at my place."

"Thanks, but I think I'm just gonna go home."

Seeing Maura's hurt look on her face, Jane adds with more kindness than Maura has been able to detect in her voice all evening, "Listen, you've done enough. You've been great. I'm just exhausted. And you should also get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Maybe we can go for a run or something?"

Feeling relieved more than anything else, Maura gives Jane a tiny smile and says, "Sure, that sounds good."

After Jane has left the ladies' room, Maura quickly splashes some water into her face. By the time she gets back to the booth, Jane has said her goodbyes to her brother and Korsak and has left the Robber. Maura quickly finishes her wine and when it's clear the men are as ready as she is to call it a night, the three of them head out together.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

When Jane opens her eyes the next morning, images of the dream, which her waking had interrupted, are still imprinted on her retina. In the dream, Jane had found herself in a deserted street. In the distance she had caught sight of Maura. The medical examiner had been smiling and waving at her, and Jane had started to walk towards her. But as Jane got closer, Maura had suddenly transformed into a frightful wolf. The wolf had growled and shown its teeth and as Jane had tried to wrap her head around the sudden and startling metamorphosis, the wolf had started to charge at her. Jane had sprinted away as fast as she could. She had run and run until she could run no more. Stopping to catch her breath, she had turned around to see whether she had managed to shake off the wolf. The wolf was nowhere to be seen and in its stead, an adorable golden retriever puppy was standing just a few feet away from her, happily wagging its tiny tail at her. Its big hazel eyes had looked so much like Maura's that Jane had asked, "Maura? Is that you?" But the puppy had simply stared at her, uttering nothing in reply.

Jane sits up, stretches her arms above her head and tries to let the impressions of her room dispatch those left behind by the dream. The uncanny feeling the dream brought on lingers for a moment but then vanishes as Jane walks into her kitchen to make herself some coffee. When the coffee is done, she takes her mug into her bedroom so she can get dressed. Spotting the clothes she had been wearing the previous evening, she's reminded of the altercation with … what was his name again? Murdoch? Murphy? She can't remember ….

But she does remember the look in Maura's eyes after she had followed Jane into the restroom. Those big eyes that were trying to make sense of someone so very different from herself. Jane smiles for a moment as she tries to imagine Maura grabbing hold of someone's throat like she had, ready to punch them. What a dick that guy had been.

The dinner that had preceded the scuffle had been both pleasant and awkward. More than ever just being near Maura made her feel good, helped her feel calm. But last night had also shown her that easing back into the way things were before all the kisses happened wasn't going to be easy. Her whole body now seemed to respond to Maura's smallest touches. But she'd have to try. Somehow she would have to make it work.

As she's about to put on some jeans, Jane remembers that the previous night she and Maura had made tentative plans to go running. She debates for a second whether she could get away with pretending to have forgotten about it, but then dismisses the idea and grabs her phone from her nightstand. She's about to dial Maura's number when she feels her heart starting to pound. Jane grunts. Dammit, is this how it is going to be from now on? Is she going to get nervous just calling her? Jane sighs and then presses "call."

"Jane."

"Morning, Maura. Are you up?"

"Yes, I'm eating breakfast with your mother."

"Of your own free will?"

Maura laughs and says, "Yes, as a matter of fact."

"Did you still want to go for that run?" Jane asks hesitantly.

"Yes, I do," Maura replies enthusiastically.

"Want me to come by your house in half an hour or so?"

"That sounds great."

Jane finishes her coffee, puts on her running shorts, a gray Boston PD t-shirt and her running shoes. She quickly grabs a banana and a muffin out of a cupboard in her kitchen, and then heads out. When she gets into her car and starts the engine, an unusual sound meets her ear. "You've got to be kidding me," she groans. As she drives away, the weird noise produced by the engine becomes less loud, but it doesn't disappear as she had hoped it would. As she gets out of her car at Maura's house, she kicks the front tire to express her frustration with the vehicle. Just at that moment, her mother walks out of the main house. "Why are you kicking your car?" she asks.

"It's my car, ma. If I wanna kick it, I'll kick it."

"So I see you're in one of your great moods?"

Jane looks at her mother and is just about to give her a snarky reply when she thinks the better of it.

"I'm sorry ma," she offers instead. "The car's making a weird noise and I need it for work, so I don't want it to break down."

"Why don't you ask Maura to look at it?" her mother suggests.

"That's actually a good idea," Jane says as she gives her mother a tiny smile.

"Okay. I'm gonna get some groceries. You need anything?"

"No, I'm good."

"Okay, you girls enjoy your run."

"We will," Jane hears from the direction of Maura's front door. Jane looks to her right and sees the medical examiner emerge in some black leggings and an azure top. Jane can feel her heart skip a beat. How ridiculous to look this gorgeous even in running clothes, she thinks.

"Hi, Jane," Maura says and she walks towards the detective.

"Ready?" Jane asks, thinking that the sooner they start running the better.

"Sure."

As they run down the sidewalk on Maura's street, Jane notices for the first time what a beautiful spring day it is. The sky is cloudless and the sun shines down on them gently. The air is still crisp at this hour of the day and it feels good to run and breathe in the fresh air. The trees are lush and green and all around them flowers are in bloom. Jane is suddenly glad Cavanaugh told her to take the weekend off while they wait for extra help to arrive. She had only grudgingly agreed, but is now grateful he so stubbornly insisted. It would be nice not to have to think about work for 48 hours.

Jane glances over at Maura and then says, "It feels good to run."

Maura smiles at her and says, "Yes, running causes the release of endorphins in the prefrontal and limbic regions of the brain and has been proven to suppress pain and to lead to significant increases in euphoria and well-being."

Jane can't help but smile. "Well thank you endorphins." And as she feels the warmth of the sun on her face she adds, "And thank you sun."

"Well, sunshine does boost one's serotonin levels, thus also increasing one's feeling of happiness," Maura continues her scientific explanation of Jane's sudden good mood.

Jane looks at Maura and jokes, "So I should just run in the sun all day and I'd be happy as a clam."

"Actually, most research indicates that clams cannot feel happiness or pain, because their brains and nervous systems are too small to develop the cognitive capacity needed for emotional responses. Also, if you'd run all day, you'd expose yourself to the risk of all kinds of common running injuries like Plantar Fasciitis, Iliotibial Band Syndrome, Shin Splints, Achilles Tendinitis, Runner's Knee…."

"Okay, okay," Jane interrupts her. "I get it. Don't run too much. And don't spend too much time in the sun. And don't try to feel like a creature that doesn't have any feelings." She gives Maura a cheeky smile, but Maura responds quite seriously, "Yes, it's all about balance, the happy medium, what the ancient Greeks called the Χρυσό μέσο, 'the Golden Mean'."

"Alright, professor Isles, alright," Jane says with a grin.

When they've turned the next corner, Jane suddenly remembers her car and says, "Oh, by the way, my car's making a weird noise. Do you think you could maybe have a look at it before I take it to a mechanic?

"Yes, of course, I'd be happy to," Maura says. "I can look at it when we get back from the run."

"Great."

"So, any plans for tonight?" Jane asks moments later.

"Yes, I'm attending a fundraiser at L'Espalier for the Boston Children's Hospital."

"Ooh, fancy."

"You want to come?"

"No, thanks," Jane says with a smile. "The Red Sox are playing tonight and Tommy and Frankie are coming over to watch the game at my place. We'll be eating some very fancy pizza and drinking even fancier beer."

Maura smiles as the two women continue to run.

After a while, Maura finds it difficult to keep up with Jane who is clearly feeling invigorated by the run. Maura allows for Jane to get a few feet ahead, not least because she finds watching her friend run mesmerizing. Those strong lean limbs, those perfectly shaped legs, the black curls bobbing up and down, the agility with which she all of a sudden swerves around an old woman walking on the sidewalk. _Hold on, why is Jane…_.

But it's too late. As she braces herself for the moment she's going to hit the sidewalk, Maura realizes that her foot must've got caught on something. When she hears a dog squeal, she figures it's probably the leash connecting the old woman to the squealing dog. As she continues to make her way down to the concrete, Maura notices once again how it's true what people say about time slowing down when something bad happens. It had happened when she had watched Jane shoot herself outside of headquarters and it was happening to her now. Everything around her becomes calm for what feels like seconds. She can see Jane coming to a sudden halt and looking over her shoulder, her expression slowly changing from one of relaxation into one of horror. She can see the panicked look on the old woman's face. She even notices a car driving away in the distance.

But then all of a sudden it is as if time speeds up again as Maura hits the concrete. Immediately a burning sensation makes itself felt in her right wrist and elbow and in both of her knees. As she glides to a halt, the burning sensation turns into outright pain. For a moment, the pain makes her feel nauseous and dizzy. "Oh God," she whimpers. Then she feels Jane's hand on her back and the nausea and dizziness somewhat subside. Maura's still lying on her side, but when she feels Jane's touch, she pushes herself up on her good hand and looks down at her body to take stock of her injuries. The elbow is pretty bloody, but it's especially her knees that are a mess. They're covered in gravel and blood and dirt, and big chunks of skin seem to have been ripped away together with the fabric of her leggings. "Oh my God, Maura," she hears Jane say. She looks to her side and sees that Jane has kneeled down by her side. The old woman has taken a step back and seems uncertain what to do. The dog, a small French bulldog, is now calmly observing the scene in front of him and appears to have fully recovered from being yanked to the side so violently. Maura feels Jane rubbing her back gently and then hears her say again, "My God, Maura, are you alright?"

Making tiny movements with her arms and legs, Maura tests whether she may have sustained any other injuries, whether there might be any sprains or fractures. Fortunately it doesn't feel like there are. She looks Jane in the eye and says, "Yes, I think I'm alright."

Jane lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank God," she says.

"I'm terribly sorry," the old woman offers. "Should I call an ambulance?"

"Oh no, there's no need. And it's not your fault," Maura says. Then the muscles in her face contract all of a sudden as a wave of pain washes over her again. She takes a deep breath to steady herself and then adds, "I simply wasn't paying attention." At that, she can feel Jane study her face and she knows why. It's out of character for her to be so heedless, so negligent. With big dark eyes full of concern and affection, Jane asks her, "Do you think you'll be able to get up?" Maura looks down at her body and then slowly nods. "Yes, I think so." Jane turns to the old woman who's still observing them and says, "I think we can manage from here. We're sorry about this. I hope your dog's okay." The woman smiles at them hesitantly and asks, "Are you sure?" When Jane nods, the woman looks at Maura and says, "I hope you'll feel better soon." Maura smiles an uncomfortable smile, the muscles in her face still responding as much to the pain as to the old woman's well wishes. "Thank you," she says.

"Come on, Charlie," the old woman tells her dog, and the twosome slowly continue on their way.

Relieved that their audience is gone, Maura smiles at Jane.

"My God, Maura, you scared me," Jane says. "Those knees look pretty gross. You want me to drive you to the emergency room?"

"No, there's no need. I have everything I need to treat these wounds at home."

"You mean, you have everything for me to treat your wounds at home?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," Maura says with a tiny smile. "Would you mind?"

Jane rubs Maura's back again gently and responds, "Of course not."

"Do you want me to grab my car and come and pick you up?"

At that, a slight panic appears on Maura's face. "Please don't leave me," she says pleadingly, looking deep into Jane's eyes. Jane returns her gaze with so much warmth and affection that Maura wishes she could hold on to the moment, make it last. But Jane gets up and stretches her legs as she grabs her phone. "Let me call my mother," she says. "She can come and pick us up."

Catching her mother on her way home from the supermarket, Angela gets there within ten minutes. When she sees Maura sitting on the sidewalk, with her daughter right next to her cross-legged and with a hand on her friend's back, Angela can't help but think how comfortable and peaceful they look together. But when she gets out of the car and sees all the blood and dirt on Maura elbow and knees, the scene quickly loses its calm serenity.

"Oh my God, Maura," she cries out. "What happened to you?"

"She fell, ma," Jane answers drily in Maura's stead.

Maura gives Jane a disapproving look and says, "Thank you, Angela, for coming to pick us up. I tripped over a dog leash."

"Oh my God, is the dog alright?"

"Really, ma?" Jane utters in disbelief. "You're gonna ask whether the dog's alright?"

"Dogs can be really fragile, you know," her mother explains.

"Yes, the dog is fine, Angela," Maura says.

"Ma, if you could open the back door, I'll help Maura get into the car," Jane tells her mother.

Looking at Maura warmly, Jane asks, "You think you can stand?"

"Yes, I think I can."

Jane kneels down by her side again and puts an arm around Maura's waist. "Put your good arm around my neck," she says softly. Feeling Jane's body pressed against her side makes Maura forget about the pain for a moment. But then as Jane uses her legs to push the two of them up into a standing position, the pain floods back in waves. Maura whimpers softly. When Jane hears her friend moan, she stops for a second and asks, "Are you sure this is okay?" "Yes, just be careful," Maura answers breathlessly. When she's back on her feet, the pain from stretching her scraped knees makes Maura feel nauseous again. She holds on to Jane more firmly and presses her forehead against the side of Jane's neck, allowing her head to rest on the detective's shoulder for a moment. After a couple of deep breaths, the nausea slowly dissipates and Maura lifts her head off of Jane's shoulder again.

"Ready to walk to the car?" Jane asks.

"Yes, I think so."

And like two elderly women, Jane and Maura shuffle to Angela's car. In order to make sure Maura's knees aren't supporting too much of her weight, Jane holds on tightly and lifts her friend off the ground as much as she can. Meanwhile Maura's arm remains firmly lodged around Jane's neck. But despite the slow pace and Jane's strenuous efforts, half way to Angela's car, the pain makes it difficult for Maura to breathe and continue to walk. Breathlessly, she whimpers, "Can we just stop for a second?" Jane immediately stops and with a look of concern replies, "Of course. Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" Maura takes another deep breath and says, "No, let me just catch my breath."

When they get to the car, Angela has already opened the back door which faces the sidewalk. Jane positions Maura right in front of the open door and slowly bends her knees. "Slowly, slowly," she says soothingly as she lowers Maura into the car. When she finds herself seated on the back seat with her feet still on the sidewalk, Maura takes a deep breath. Jane takes a look at the state of Maura's legs and says, "Why don't you stretch out your legs across the entire backseat. Maybe that will be the most comfortable." Maura uses her hands to push herself further into the car, her back first with the rest of her body following. When Maura has moved her whole body onto the back seat, Jane slowly closes the door.

"Ma, let me drive," Jane says to her mother as she holds up her hand to take her mother's car keys.

"Why do you need to drive? I'm a great driver."

Jane gives her a look that says, _Really? _

Her mother shrugs and quietly hands over the keys.

The drive over to Maura's is uneventful. It only takes them a few minutes and in this neighborhood at this time of day, traffic is light. Sitting in the back seat, watching Jane drive, Maura feels so much love for the detective, who's doing everything in her power to make Maura more comfortable, that it helps her take her mind off the pain. Jane can be so caring for someone so abrasive and impatient, Maura can't help but think.

When they arrive at Maura's house, Jane opens the back door and slowly helps Maura out of the car. When she has moved her bottom to the very edge of the back seat, Maura doesn't ask or wait for permission, but puts her arm around Jane's neck and presses her body against that of the detective.

"Okay, ready?" Jane asks gently.

"Yes."

Jane helps Maura stand and, holding onto her tightly, the two women slowly walk into the house. Angela had walked ahead and opened the door for them, and as she sees Maura and Jane enter the house, she asks, "Where should we put you, Maura?"

The medical examiner thinks for a second and then says, "Maybe the couch for now?"

When they've reached the couch, Jane slowly lowers her friend onto the soft cushions and as soon as Maura is seated, Jane sits down next to her and grabs hold of Maura's good hand. "Okay, now tell me how we're going to do this," she says warmly.

"Well, I'd like to shower first."

Jane looks at Maura's knees and tries to imagine what it'll feel like to have water running down those wounds and, as she winces, asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sweaty from the run, and that way I can wash the dirt from the wounds."

"Okay, so what can I do?"

"Well, if you can help me to the bathroom, I think I can manage from there."

Jane helps Maura up and together they slowly make their way to the main bathroom. Jane quickly grabs a towel and puts it on the sink next to the shower, so that Maura won't have to reach for it later. Then she says, "Let me grab you some clothes for when you're done. What should I get you?"

Maura looks down at her elbow and knees and says, "Probably a short skirt and a sleeveless blouse?"

"You've got it."

Jane slowly lets go of her friend and takes a step back to see how well she can stand on her own. When Maura doesn't wobble and when there's no indication that Maura's on the verge of falling down, Jane asks one more time, "Are you sure you can manage?"

Maura smiles at this excess of concern and says, "Yes, I can manage. Now go. I'll call you if I need anything."

"Okay, but let me grab you those clothes first."

Moments later Jane comes back with a black skirt and a blue sleeveless blouse and asks uncertainly, "Is this alright?"

"It is. These actually go well together."

Jane laughs, looking impressed with herself, which makes Maura laugh too.

"Okay, so don't hesitate to shout if you need anything," Jane says as she walks out of the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, Maura emerges from the bathroom in her black skirt, but with her blouse untucked. As soon as she sees her friend, Jane rushes over and grabs hold of her hand. While supporting her good elbow, she gently guides Maura to the couch.

Maura slowly sits down as Jane continues to support her elbow until she's fully seated. Then Jane lets go and takes a step back to inspect the wounds. Without all the gravel and dirt, she decides, the wounds definitely look not as bad.

"Okay, Dr. Isles, what do you need me to do?"

"Well, could you first get me some ibuprofen from the kitchen cabinet and a glass of water?"

When Jane hears her mother in the kitchen shout, "I'll get it," she smiles at Maura and says, "We're on it. What next?"

"Well, in that drawer over there…, "Jane turns her head to make sure she knows which drawer Maura's pointing at, "… there's a medicine box. If you could just take that out."

Jane walks over to the chest of drawers and retrieves a white box with a red cross on it. She holds it up and asks, "Is this it?"

"Yes, that's the one," Maura answers as she accepts the pills and glass of water from Angela.

Jane walks back over to Maura and kneels down by her side.

"What we need is an antibiotic ointment and some sterile bandages."

Jane holds up a yellow and white tube and asks, "Like this one?"

"Yes, Neosporin. That'll do. So what you'll do is, you'll wash your hands, then you'll check the wounds to make sure there aren't any foreign particles left in the damaged tissue. If there are, you'll need tweezers to remove them, and you'll need to put the tweezers in boiling water for 15 minutes and then soak them in Isopropyl alcohol."

"Okay, hold on," Jane says as she walks into the kitchen to wash her hands. When she kneels down by Maura's side again moments later, she carefully inspects the wounds, fortunately without finding any 'foreign particles.'

"The wounds look pretty clean to me," she says.

"Well, then you can put the ointment on all the wounds and cover them with the bandage rolls. Make sure that the gauze covers the whole wound. You can use that tape over there to make sure the bandages stay put."

"Where shall I start?" Jane asks.

Maura holds out her elbow and says, "Why don't you start here."

Jane works meticulously for a couple of minutes, gently applying the ointment and then covering the wounds on the elbow, wrist, and knees with lots of gauze. From the grimaces on Maura's face, especially when she applies the ointment, Jane can tell that touching the wounds must be painful, but the medical examiner doesn't complain and calmly undergoes Jane's ministrations.

When she's done, Jane looks Maura in the eye and says with a smile, "All done."

"Well, actually," Maura says, "could you please also apply some Neosporin on the wound on my hipbone? I didn't notice the wound until I took a shower, but it's better if we cover that one up too." She lifts the hem of her blouse to show Jane the wound. The skin on the right hipbone is badly scraped and looks rather painful.

"Are you sure you don't want to do that one yourself?" Jane asks.

Maura grimaces and says, "Touching the wounds hurts, and it's easier when someone else does it."

"Alright."

Jane puts some ointment on her finger and as she moves her finger onto the wound, a shiver runs down her spine. She looks up and catches Maura's eye. For a few seconds, the two women lose themselves in each other's eyes. Jane's hand has stopped and her breathing has become shallow. Then all of a sudden a voice from the kitchen breaks up the moment. "How are you girls doing?" Angela shouts from the kitchen. The shock of the interruption causes Jane to push her finger further into the wound. Maura cries out. "I'm so sorry," Jane says as she winces. Maura gives her a reassuring smile and says, "It's alright." Then she adds more loudly, so Angela can hear, "We're doing well. If Jane ever decides to quit the force she'd make an excellent nurse."

"Jane, I'd love it if you'd become a nurse," her mother yells back.

"So I can help people who get hurt rather than get hurt myself?" Jane asks.

"Exactly," her mother responds.

Then Jane moves her attention back to Maura and says, "Want me to use one of those large Band-Aids for this one?"

"Sure, as long as it covers the wound."

Jane finds a box with extremely large Band-Aids in the medicine box and gently applies one to Maura's hipbone. When she's done, Maura tucks in her blouse and give Jane a big smile. "There. All set."

"Has the ibuprofen kicked in yet?"

"Yes, I think so. But I'm not sure I'm really up for looking at your car today."

"Oh God, don't even think about it," Jane says as she gets up to get herself a glass of water. "I'll just take it to a mechanic."

Maura looks down at her elbow and knees, now completely covered in white bandages, and says sadly, "I'll look awful at the fundraiser tonight. And I bought such a beautiful dress especially for the occasion."

Having reemerged from the kitchen, Jane frowns at Maura and says, "Are you crazy? You should just stay here tonight. Just write them a check or something."

"You think?" Maura asks uncertainly.

"Hell yeah," Jane replies.

Then Jane turns to her mother and says, "Ma, I'm gonna go home and shower and take the car to a mechanic. Could you fix Maura some lunch?"

"Jane…," Maura starts, but Jane interrupts her and insists, "Just let my mother make you a sandwich, it's really no big deal. Let her take care of you a bit."

When she hears her daughter's words, Angela walks over to the couch and says warmly, "Maura, I'll be more than happy to get you some lunch. I could even drive somewhere and pick you up something fancy."

"See?" Jane says with a grin.

"Alright then. Thank you Angela."

"Okay, I'll be back later," Jane says. "You take it easy now."

"I'll make sure she does," her mother says.

"Thanks ma," Jane replies as she affectionately pats her mother's back.

When she gets home, Jane quickly showers and then heads out again. She drives over to one of her favorite sandwich places and as she places her order, she realizes that she's around the corner from Giovanni's garage. She quickly eats her sandwich, drives over to the garage, parks her car out front, and walks inside.

At first, the place looks empty, but then Giovanni emerges from behind an old Chevy wiping his oil-stained hands on an already dirty piece of white cloth.

"Jane Rizzoli. Looking hot," he says with a broad smile and a twinkle in his eye. He walks over to Jane and stands right in front of her in his blue overalls with his hands on his hips, looking her up and down.

"Lay it off, Giovanni," Jane says reproachfully, hoping to prevent the inevitably avalanche of flirtatious, if not lecherous, comments and looks.

But Giovanni can't help himself and, while giving Jane a cheeky smile, says, "So, how's …," but stops midsentence and frowns, obviously unable to remember the name he's looking for. It takes Jane a moment to realize he must be referring to Maura. For a second, she had forgotten that Giovanni had been pursuing Maura and that to get him to stop they'd ended up pretending to be a couple. How weird to be reminded of that episode now, with everything that had been going on. When Jane realizes that Giovanni is staring at her and obviously waiting for her to supply the name, she quickly says, "… uh, Maura?"

"Yeah," Giovanni says as he smiles, "the hot blonde one."

Jane can't help but roll her eyes.

"You two…." Giovanni continues.

"Yes, Giovanni, we're still together. Now will you look at my car? It makes a weird noise."

"So you're still batting for the other team?"

"Giovanni, oh my God, will you just look at my car or should I go someplace else?"

"Because, you remember Guido?" Giovanni continues, with his mind obviously stuck on the lesbian track.

"What, Guido Salucci?"

"Yeah, so Guido says…"

"Hold on, you know that Guido is a moron, right?"

"That guy is real smart. I swear. Anyways, so Guido says that some women, you know, some lesbians, they actually want the bisexual."

"They want the bisexual?"

"Yeah, you know, they want to be with a man and a woman."

"Oh God," Jane whimpers.

"Anyways, so I thought that if you and Maura…"

Jane braces herself for what comes next.

"… ever want the bisexual…"

"For Pete's sake, just look at my car!" Jane cries out.

"Alright, no need to get upset. Jeez, Jane. You know, there's no hurt in asking," Giovanni says with a smirk.

"Is that what Guido says? 'There's no hurt in asking'?"

Giovanni smiles his most lascivious smile yet and says "Yeah."

"Well, you know how many people end up murdered because they just asked?"

"For real?" Giovanni looks both shocked and impressed.

"No, of course not," Jane answers, almost unable to believe the display of utter stupidity in front of her.

"Ah, Jane, you messin' with me?" Giovanni asks with another broad smile as he bobs his head up and down and points a playful finger at her.

"Yes, I'm just messing with you. But unless you want me to really mess with you…," and Jane allows for a long pause and a dark look to underscore that she's not kidding anymore, "would you mind looking at my car? It makes a weird noise when I start it."

"Sure thing," Giovanni says as he takes a step back and looks down bashfully. "I'll give you a call when I know what's up. That sound good?" he asks with all the bravado gone from his voice.

"Yes. Thank you, Giovanni. But can you make sure it's today?"

Giovanni takes a moment and, as the cheeky smile returns to his face, says,

"Jane, you're looking so hot today, I'll squeeze you in."

Minding his coarse comments a lot less when it means she may have her car back sooner rather than later, Jane gives him a smile in return. "Well, I'll see you soon then," she says.

"Sure thing. And tell Mrs Rizz I say hi. I saw her the other day and she was real nice to me. Gave me some good relationship advice too," Giovanni says, giving Jane a knowing look.

"Well, that's nice."

"Yeah, and it's nice she likes your girlfriend."

Jane feels her heart beat faster.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she said she was real glad she could stay with her after Mr Rizz left her for that hot chick."

The thought of both Tommy and her father sleeping with Lydia makes Jane squirm for a second, but then her mind quickly brings her back to the fact that Giovanni—who happens to think Maura and she are a couple—discussed the medical examiner with her mother. What did this moron tell her?

"What did you say to my mother?" Jane asks menacingly.

"Hey, whoa, we were just having a nice conversation. I didn't try to hit on her or anything."

"God I hope not. But what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything," Giovanni says defensively.

Realizing that, unless she offers Giovanni some kind of explanation of the situation, she's not going to get a straight answer from him, Jane decides to drop the matter.

"Okay, never mind. Let me know when the car's done."

"Sure, Jane. I'll let you know."

Jane turns around, calls a cab, and lets the taxi drive her back to Maura's.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **A big thank you to those of you who left generous, kind, and encouraging messages after reading the past two chapters. They are, as always, much appreciated. With a special shout-out to 1Anon for making at least 1 reader less Anon.

For those of you who dislike/hate/just don't care for/are bored out of your minds by the crime story, may I suggest you enjoy this long workless weekend as much as you can (the fictional Boston weekend that is, not our real world weekend, although, yes, I would actually suggest you enjoy that as much as you can too). When Monday comes around (probably in Chapter 14 or 15), I'm sending our heroines back to work. And yes, I'm afraid what awaits them at work is the Dave MacIntyre case. And no, I will not just mention it in passing, we're actually going to spend some time on it.

Let me therefore use this A/N to briefly respond to DriKaBr (and I apologize that FanFiction forces me to omit the periods in your name), our lovely reader from, I think, Brazil. She writes, and I quote, "this story is focusing too much on the case and forgetting about the main subject that is jane and maura relationship." You see, DriKaBr, if you would've written something along the lines of "Dear holicannoli, I've enjoyed reading about Jane and Maura's relationship far more than the crime, so, if you'd indulge me, could you please spend less time on the crime and more time on Rizzles?" I totally would've understood. That would've been perfectly legitimate. We all have our preferences, things we like and dislike. Some of us like crime stories, some of us don't.

And I know, when you're watching the show, it can be super frustrating to have a case take up a lot of screen time when you'd honestly even rather watch Jane and Maura taking out the trash together or scooping up Jo Friday's poop.

But, this being fanfiction, luckily I'm not limited to any set number of words. So in our fanfiction world, we can have both a crime and some slow-burn Rizzles action, without the crime actually taking away 'screentime' from the relationship. Which in a way, makes the crime a bonus. How nice! In fact, without the crime we probably would've been done by now (which some of you, granted, may have actually preferred).

But, my main point is, dear DriKaBr, when you write that I forget about the main subject, _that is such and so_, I'm afraid I must correct you. For the story simply is what it is. There is no predetermined "main subject" that exists apart from the story. If you find that there's rather a lot of crime in the story, then in all likelihood the story is actually about both the crime and Rizzles. Or rather, in this case, about how Rizzles comes about in the context of this particular crime. This being fanfiction, I as your author can do as I please (*cue evil laughter*). I could send Jane on a long, and may I add well-deserved, holiday and just leave her there on her tropical island drinking exotic beer cocktails while Korsak and Maura solve the case (if it's possible to solve a case without Jane, something which I think the show so far hasn't actually explored). There's no rule that says I can't do that. Of course, there's also no rule that says you should be happy with such a development or that you have to continue reading. But you get my drift.

I know that I'm probably being a bit unfair to you, DriKaBr, and that all you're really trying to say is: "Hey listen, holicannoli, we're all here for some Maura-Jane action because of the moral crime TNT continues to commit of not making full use of the divine gift that is the chemistry between Sasha Alexander and Angie Harmon. So please cut it out with the stupid crime stuff and questioning of suspects. If we wanted that, we'd have dozens of _Rizzoli and Isles_ episodes we could rewatch." And that's fair enough.

But, and I'm almost done here, so please bear with me, what I'd like to get across is not only that the crime actually happens to be an important part of this particular story (sorry!), but also that the crime story is really there to serve the Rizzles story. Any love story needs some kind of context. And in this story, that context is on the one hand the death of Frost and on the other hand this particular case.

But before this author makes the cardinal mistake of trying to explain herself to her readers, let's get on with our carless Jane, our knee-skinless Maura and our workless weekend, shall we?

* * *

**CHAPTER 12**

When Jane walks into Maura's house after the cab driver has dropped her off, she finds her mother at the kitchen counter with a People magazine in front of her.

"Hi ma," Jane says in greeting.

"Oh Jane, look at this," her mother responds excitedly as she holds up her magazine for Jane's inspection. "Don't you think this dress Sandra Bullock is wearing is beautiful?"

Jane frowns and says drily, "Yeah ma. So beautiful."

Not surprised by Jane's lack of enthusiasm but also not one to give up that easily, Angela adds, "You know, you'd look really pretty in a dress like that."

"Come on, ma," Jane scoffs with a great deal of exasperation in her voice. "Not now."

Hoping for an escape from her mother, Jane looks around the kitchen and living room area to see where Maura is. Not spotting her friend anywhere, she turns back to her mother and asks, "Hey ma, where's Maura?"

"Oh, she decided to lie down after lunch," Angela replies. "She said her knees and elbow were causing her discomfort."

"But she ate?"

"Yeah, she ate a lot, actually. You need to eat well when your body is in the process of healing itself," Angela says authoritatively, leaving Jane with no doubt that her mother's merely rehashing Maura's own words.

"Ma, do you need your car the next couple of days?" Jane says as she remembers her car situation.

"Of course I need my car. What a thing to ask."

"Okay, never mind."

"Why, couldn't the mechanic fix yours?

"Well, I left my car with Giovanni and …"

"You went to Giovanni's?" Angela says as her face lights up. "That's so nice. He's such a good boy. Taking over the garage from his father like that. And not bad-looking either, huh?"

Jane studies her mothers face for a second to see whether there may be a question behind this question, but then decides there probably isn't. So she simply answers, "Sure, if you're into the knucklehead six-pack type."

"What are you saying?" her mother says indignantly, "that he's not smart enough for you?"

"Yeah ma, that's exactly what I'm saying."

Angela rolls her eyes and says, "Fine. It's good Maura isn't superficial like you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she went out with him, didn't she?"

"Ma, she went out with him for his shoulder-to-hip ratio. I won't date him because he's a moron. How does that make me the superficial one?"

"Well, I still think she's more open-minded than you."

Jane glares at her mother for a second and then decides to drop it. "So, anyways, I don't know when Giovanni will be done and I need to get to and from work."

"We'll sort something out, honey. I have my car and Maura has hers, and we all work in the same place."

"Yeah, I guess so," Jane says with a sigh.

Angela looks at her daughter intently for a second and then asks, "So you're doing okay, you know, with Barry and everything?"

Jane gives her mother a tiny smile that's meant to reassure her and then adds, "Yeah ma, I'm doing okay."

"Oh, that's good, because Maura said…"

Immediately the tiny smile disappears again and the irritation is back in Jane's voice as she says, "What, you go to Maura now to get the low-down on how I'm feeling?"

"Well you never tell me anything," her mother answers shortly.

"Why do I need to tell you anything, when you can apparently just go to Maura?"

"Honey, of course I'd rather talk to you. But you know, you are just so…"

"So what, ma?"

"Well, you know."

Jane crosses her arms and stares her mother down.

Unfazed, Angela continues, "Anyways, Maura said that maybe you were finding everything a bit difficult."

"Of course I'm finding everything a bit difficult, ma. One of my best friends just died."

"I know, honey. I just wish you'd talk to me. So I can help."

Realizing that her mother really does mean well, Jane's face adopts a softer expression. "I know, ma. I'm sorry. But I'm honestly doing okay," she says.

"Good, because I've been worried."

Jane gives her mother an apologetic smile.

"I'm glad you're at least letting Maura be there for you," Angela continues.

"Well, she's my best friend," Jane says defensively.

"I know she's your best friend."

"Well, what then?"

"Well, not anything. I'm just saying I'm glad you're at least talking to Maura, that's all."

Jane let's out a deep sigh and Angela knows this is as much as she'll be able to get out of this mother-daughter chat and simply adds by way of conclusion, "Well, if you ever do want to talk to your old mother, you know where to find me."

Jane nods and gives her mother a smile to show that she does appreciate her concern even if she finds her overbearing at times.

In the silence that follows, Jane and Angela can hear a door creak and as they turn their heads simultaneously, they see Maura coming out of her bedroom. She is walking very slowly with her feet wide apart, making sure that her injured knees don't touch each other. With layers and layers of bandage wrapped around her knees and elbow and her gait slow and awkward, Maura positively looks like a zombie straight out of a low-budget horror movie. Angela and Jane can't help but chuckle at the sight. When she hears the two women laugh, Maura stops and looks up. Seeing the women stare at her, she asks confoundedly, "What are you laughing at?"

"I'm sorry, honey," Angela says, "you just look so funny with those big bandages around your knees."

Maura looks down at her knees but fails to understand what's so funny about some bandages covering some pretty nasty-looking and painful wounds. Seeing the confused look on her friend's face, Jane quickly walks over to where Maura's standing and puts her hand on the medical examiner's upper arm. "I'm sorry," Jane says, still unable to suppress the smile brought on by Maura's queen-of-the-dead-like appearance, "it's not very nice of us to laugh at you when you're in pain." When Maura remains immobile, Jane offers her her arm and says, "Here."

Knowing she's perfectly fine to walk without Jane's assistance, Maura nevertheless quickly grabs hold of her friend's arm. She's not about to pass up on an offer to find some comfort in Jane's physical presence, especially not today. And in fact, as soon as Maura feels Jane's skin against hers, she starts to feel slightly better. The nagging pain in her knees is less intense and the burning sensation on her hip bothers her less as she focuses all her attention on the olive-toned skin underneath her hand and the supple body so close to hers.

The two women slowly make their way to Maura's couch, as much to avoid causing Maura more pain as to allow the physical contact to last. Maura breathes in Jane's familiar scent, finding it at once comforting and intoxicating.

When they reach the couch, Jane helps Maura down and then stands up again. As soon as Jane has let go of Maura's arm, the medical examiner winces as the pain in her knees reasserts itself. When Jane sees the pained expression on Maura's face, she asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I think so," the medical examiner replies.

"What can I get you?"

Maura thinks for a second and then says, "Actually, some coffee would be nice."

"Coffee? Sure, coming right up."

When Jane walks into the kitchen, she asks her mother, "Ma, want some coffee?"

"Are you both having some?"

"Yes."

"Sure, I'll join you then."

Five minutes later the three women are sitting on Maura's couch enjoying some excellent coffee together.

"This is really good coffee, Maura," Angela compliments the medical examiner.

"Yes, isn't it? It's from St Helena, the Island on which Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled after his defeat at Waterloo. The coffee beans were brought to the island from Yemen in the eighteenth century and are known for their pleasant floral flavor and their hints of citrus and caramel."

Angela takes another sip of her coffee and then exclaims proudly: "I can taste the caramel."

"Yeah right," Jane responds, obviously not believing her mother for a second.

"I can," her mother insists stubbornly. "My taste buds are a lot more sensitive than you think."

When she sees Jane roll her eyes, Maura says, "Angela, I'm glad you're enjoying the richness and subtlety of this coffee. I like it too."

Angela gives Jane a smug smile and says, "Well thank you, Maura. I do appreciate the subtle things in life."

Hearing her mother actually utter those words, Jane can't help but laugh. "Yeah ma, you're all about the subtle things in life."

"Well, I am," her mother says indignantly. "I like a lot of subtle things. Maybe you're just too busy to notice."

Jane laughs and says, "So I'm not subtle enough to appreciate how subtle you are? That's good ma. That's really good." At that, Maura can't help but laugh too.

Feeling like she's had enough of her daughter's mocking, Angela decides to change the subject and asks Maura, "So how are you feeling? Do your knees still hurt?"

"Well, I have felt better," Maura answers honestly.

"Don't you think you should maybe get a tetanus shot? So that you don't, you know…."

"… die of tetanus?" her daughter suggests.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Well, I got a booster shot a few years ago which will be good for at least another five years."

"Well that's good then," Angela says. "Are you in any pain now? Want me to get you some more ibuprofen?"

"Yes, thank you," Maura replies. "That would be great."

As Angela gets up, Jane asks, "Maura, have you cancelled your dinner yet?"

"Not yet, but I will."

In the silence that follows the two can hear Angela shout from the kitchen, "Hey, why don't you all watch the game here together tonight? That way Maura won't have to be here all by herself."

Jane looks at Maura for a second and then shouts back, "Ma, I'm sure Maura would like to get some rest. Having all of us here screaming at her tv is the last thing she needs." As Jane gets up to get them more coffee, Maura says, "I actually wouldn't mind some company."

Jane stops in her tracks and studies Maura's face for a moment before asking, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, definitely."

"Okay. And pizza sounds good too?"

"Yes, why not."

Jane surprises herself by how happy it makes her to know she'll be spending the evening with Maura. It will also be nice to be able to make sure she is doing okay.

After the women have finished their coffees, Angela announces that she's going to pick up some dry-cleaning and that afterwards she's going over to Carla Talucci's. As soon as she has closed the door behind her, it is as if the air in the room immediately thickens. Jane and Maura are still comfortably seated on Maura's couch, but all of a sudden the easy atmosphere is gone and the women look at each other nervously, uncertain what to say. Maura lets out a tense laugh and says, "So."

"Yes, so,' Jane says uncomfortably.

When apparently neither woman can think of something to say to put an end to this awkward moment, Jane blurts out, "I'm sorry, Maura."

"Why are you sorry?" Maura asks, her face showing she genuinely doesn't understand.

"I don't want things to be awkward between us," Jane explains.

"Jane, they're not."

But the detective gives her friend a look that says, _Well what was this then just now?_

Hating to see her friend so ill at ease, Maura quickly reaches for Jane's hand. But as soon as she's grabbed hold of Jane's scarred hand, Maura sees Jane's whole body stiffen in response to her touch. Maura breathes in deeply to buy herself some time to make sure that when she speaks, things will come out right. Then she says measuredly, taking her time: "Jane, it's been a really difficult time and I think, considering the circumstances, we've dealt with it pretty well. Your partner and dear friend died. And it happened so unexpectedly. You could have completely fallen apart, stopped doing your work, and curled up in bed. But you didn't. So I just wish you wouldn't worry and tried to relax."

Jane lets out a deep sigh and says, "Well, I did a bit of the falling apart."

"Sure, but you got yourself back up on your feet."

"Well, you did."

Maura gives Jane a tiny smile and then says, "Jane, you did most of that yourself. But I'm here for you. So if ever you need me, for anything, I'm here."

Jane gives Maura a sad smile and then nods. After a moment's silence, she adds, "I almost feel like we act as if he was only my friend. He was your friend too."

"Yes, he was. So we can help each other."

"Okay." Looking Maura in the eye one more time, she says, "But I would really hate it if I did make things awkward for you."

Maura looks at her warmly and says, "Jane, you really didn't. So stop worrying about it."

Jane nods again and looks down. Seeing Maura's bandaged knees there, she says with a smile, "What a pair we are."

Maura follows Jane's gaze down to her knees and says, "Yes, maybe a tiny bit broken at the moment, but definitely on the mend."

Jane gives her a grateful smile and says, "Let me call Frankie and Tommy to tell them we'll be watching the game here." Maura gives Jane's hand a final squeeze and as Jane gets up, she lets her fingers glide very slowly out of Maura's grasp. When their fingers no longer touch, Jane stops and looks down at Maura and as she catches Maura's eye there, all the tension that their conversation had managed to push away comes rushing back. The two stare into each other's eyes for a few pregnant moments. Then, forcing herself to break eye contact, Jane clears her throat and says quickly, "Right, let me call my brothers." As her friend walks away, Maura looks down at her hands and sees that they're trembling.

* * *

Ten minutes before the game starts, the doorbell rings and Jane finds an excited Tommy and Frankie at the front door with two large pizza boxes and two six packs of beer. They quickly give their sister a kiss on the cheek and walk into the house.

When Tommy spots Maura on the couch, he exclaims loudly, "Oh my God! What happened to you?"

Jane slaps her youngest brother on the upper arm with the back of her hand and says, "Hey, take it easy, will you?"

Tommy looks down at Maura apologetically and says in a much calmer tone, "I'm sorry, Maura, but that looks bad."

"It's alright, Tommy. I fell on the sidewalk today."

"I always thought that those high heels you're always wearing were an accident waiting to happen."

"I was actually running, Tommy."

"You were running in those heels? Maura, what were you thinking!"

Maura laughs and says, "I was running in _running shoes_, Tommy. The heels are not to blame I'm afraid."

"Oh."

As Frankie walks over to the couch too, he says, "Jane told me what happened. Sounds painful. Are you alright?"

"Yes, I think I'll be okay."

"Well," Tommy says, "let's hope the Red Sox will win tonight. That'll cheer you right up."

"Yeah," his sister jokes, "because there's nothing that Maura cares more about in the whole wide world than baseball."

Maura smiles and as she looks at Jane says, "There are plates in the cupboard if anyone needs one."

When Jane returns with the plates, Tommy has already turned on the tv and her brothers have both opened a bottle of beer. "You want one too?" Frankie asks.

"Yes please," Jane says as she sits down in the only empty spot on the couch right next to Maura.

"Maura?" Frankie says after he's given his sister her beer.

"No, thank you. I think I'll stick with water tonight."

When he sees his sister about to get up, Frankie says, "I'll get it. You stay."

When Frankie returns with Maura's water, Jane can tell from the smile that appears on his face after Maura has thanked him warmly for the water that the soft spot he once had for the medical examiner is still very much there.

As soon as the game has started, there is, as Jane had predicted, a lot of yelling at the tv. But since the Red Sox are already four runs ahead by the end of the second inning, spirits are high and the yelling relatively benign. The two pizzas are devoured in no time, and soon the Rizzolis have managed to finish off the first six pack of beer too. After the fourth inning, Tommy gets up to throw out the empty pizza boxes.

"Oh my God, Tommy, are you actually taking out the trash?" Jane asks.

"I'm a father now, Jane, I do all kinds of things," Tommy replies proudly.

"Wow. Well thank you," his sister says appreciatively.

When Tommy has sat down again, he turns to Maura and says, "Hey Maura, if you want I can come over tomorrow to play some chess. That'll keep your mind occupied."

When she hears her brother's offer, Jane frowns, but Maura quickly responds, "Tommy, I'd love that. It's been ages since I've played."

"Cool," Tommy says happily.

When Jane notices Maura readjusting her body ever couple of minutes in the top of the sixth inning, she says quietly, as her brothers scream for the Red Sox pitcher to strike out the Blue Jays' first baseman, "Are you alright? You look uncomfortable."

"Yes, I'm okay."

"Maybe it's time for the next round of ibuprofen?"

"How many hours has it been since the last ones?"

"Six maybe?"

"Okay, yes, that would be great then."

When Jane returns with Maura's medicine, the medical examiner sits up straight so she can grab her glass of water off the table. As Maura swallows down the tablets, Jane gently rubs her back. When she's finished her glass, Maura gives Jane a quick smile and whispers, "Thank you."

In the eighth inning, when the Red Sox are so far ahead that even Tommy has stopped yelling at the tv, Jane gathers from Maura's regular and deep breathing that she must have fallen asleep. Observing her friend's face for a second to confirm her suspicion, Jane turns her attention back to the game. When moments later Tommy says rather loudly, "Hey, who'd like another…," Jane hisses, "Shhhh." As she points to the sleeping figure next to her on the couch, Frankie and Tommy can't help but laugh. The laughter is loud enough to wake Maura, for she sits up with a start and says, "Huh? What?"

"Are you enjoying the game, Maura?" Jane teases.

But Maura is too tired to come up with a clever response and merely stares at Jane. Seeing how out of it her friend looks, Jane puts a hand on her leg and says warmly, "Maura, I can see you're really tired. Why don't you go to bed? I'll kick out the guys after the game is done."

"It's okay, I can stay awake," Maura says as she yawns.

Laughing at the incongruence of the statement and the yawn, Frankie says, "Maura, you don't have to stay up for our sake. You should go to bed if you're tired."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Frankie and Jane say in unison.

"Alright then," Maura finally agrees. She tries to get up but, overwhelmed by the sudden pain her movements have produced in her elbow and knees, immediately lets herself sink down into the soft cushions again.

Observing Maura's failed attempt to get up, Jane says, "Come on, let me help you." She grabs hold of Maura's good arm and gently helps her up.

When Maura and Jane have made it down to Maura's bedroom, the medical examiner says, "Jane?"

"Yes?"

"I think I'd like to change the bandages before I turn in. Would you mind helping me for a second or do you want to get back to the game?"

"Of course I'll help you," Jane says warmly. "If you get ready I'll go grab the medicine box."

"Alright."

Jane gives Maura ten minutes to get ready and then knocks on her bedroom door. When she walks inside, she finds Maura on the edge of her bed in blue silk pajamas, looking exhausted.

"Ready for this?" Jane asks.

"Yes."

Maura rolls up her pajama pants and Jane kneels down so she can take the bandages off and put new ones on.

"Would you like me to use that antibiotic ointment again?" Jane asks.

"Yes, if you don't mind."

"Hold on. Let me wash my hands first," Jane says as she heads over to the bathroom.

When Jane returns she quickly gets to work, removing the old bandages, applying ointment from the tube to the wounds, and covering everything up with clean bandages. As Jane puts a large BandAid on the wound on Maura's hip she says, "There, all done. I think you'll feel a lot better tomorrow."

"Thank you, Jane."

"Let me get rid of all these used bandages for you."

"Would you mind…"

"Yes, I'll put them in the trash outside," Jane says with a smile.

"Thank you."

When Jane returns after what can't have been more than a few minutes, she finds Maura in bed with her eyes closed, breathing deeply and looking more peaceful than she has done all day. Jane whispers quietly, "Maura, are you awake?" She waits for a few seconds to see whether Maura will answer, but when the only sounds reaching Jane's ears are Maura's deep breaths, Jane knows she and her brothers were right to have sent the medical examiner to bed. On tiptoes she slowly walks towards Maura's bed until she's mere inches away. For a few moments, she watches her friend, mesmerized by the way the light on Maura's nightstand casts mysterious shadows over her face and plays with strands of her blonde hair. Then, slowly bending down, Jane places a hand on top of Maura's head and plants a soft kiss on her forehead. "Sweet dreams, baby," she whispers softly before turning off the light and closing the door behind her.


End file.
